Medication Guide

PDF copy of this document for your records
 

MEDICATION GUIDE
HOPE [hohp]
(sperolatior)

Read this Medication Guide before you start taking HOPE and each time you get a refill. There may be new information. Could be. This information does not take the place of talking to your physician about your condition or your treatment.

What is the most important information I should know about HOPE?
HOPE and other anticipatory physic may cause serious side effects.

• Anticipatory physic may increase aspirational thoughts in some children, teenagers, young adults, or seniors within the first few moments of treatment.
• Nihilism or other serious conditions of futility may occur if prescribed hope is unfulfilled.
• Serious mental health problems
  • psychosis (seeing or hearing things that are not real, such as Balanced Budget Amendments or Equal Pay)
  • mania (feelings of euphoria or excitement)
  • binge watching CSI: Miami

Call your provider right away if you have any of the following symptoms:

• swollen toes, ankles, feet, or other footal swelling
• too much or too little sleep
• changes in mood, appetite, weight, equilibrium, or hair color
• feelings of worthlessness or guilt
• new or worse anxiety
• new or worse feelings
• other unusual changes in behavior, such as not being able to finish old levels of Candy Crush

What is HOPE?

• HOPE is a physic used to treat certain motivational disorders, such as futility, nihilism, depression, joblessness, disempowerment, and mange.
• HOPE can hurt the tube that connects your mouth to your stomach (esophagus) if it is not swallowed whole.
• Your physician, barber, or leech has determined that the benefits of taking HOPE are greater than the risks of side effects.
• In clinical studies, the beneficial effects of HOPE (sperolatior) were determined to be greater than those of a placebo (p < 0.05).

Who should not take HOPE?
Do not take HOPE if you:

• are allergic to optimism or any of the ingredients in HOPE (sperolatior).
• have exhausted all of your appeals.
• are entering Hell, or an internship at an investment banking firm in New York.

What should I tell my provider before taking HOPE?
Tell your provider if you:

• have liver problems
• have had seizures or convulsions
• have migraines, frequent headaches, or periodic visions of saints or devils
• have cable, Netflix, HULU, or Amazon Prime
• don’t give a rat’s ass
• drink alcohol
• inject alcohol
• snort alcohol
• came up with a new way to ingest alcohol (see clysters, below)
• are pregnant or plan to become pregnant or are breastfeeding or plan to become breastfeeding
• are lactose, gluten, or liberal intolerant
• have some other problem we haven’t thought of but which we can’t be blamed for not mentioning since we have this catch-all phrase here, right here

Tell your physician about all the physic you are currently taking, including prescription medicaments, under-the-counter medicines, vitamins, herbs, and alchemical preparations. HOPE may interact with some medicines, may not work as well, or may cause serious side effects such as twerking.
Especially tell your provider is you take:

• leeches
• clysters, colonics, or other purgatives
• flakka
• your time
• St. John’s Wort or tryptophan
• MAOIs
• nicotine injectables
• flan, marzipan, or wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am
• heed
• a stand, a powder, the rap, a crack
• charge, cover, heart, exception, off, place, pains, notice, liberties, turns
• Did we mention MAOIs? Oh, yeah, I guess we did
• breaks
• quinine or water or coffee or tea
• other medications, such as
  • Courage (animopacis)
  • Faith (fidesubcubitus)
  • Vaxidrin (or other products of the Prescott Pharmaceuticals)

Ask your physician if you are not sure if you are taking any of the above, or if you just want to know where you stand.

How should I take HOPE?

• Take HOPE exactly as directed, unless you are directed not to.
• Take HOPE at about the same time each day.
• Take HOPE with thimbles, care, and forks.
• Do not start or stop taking HOPE without consulting your physician, lawyer, or Twitter.
• HOPE may be taken with or without food, grains of salt, railway shares, or soap.
• If you miss a dose of HOPE, and it has been less than 12 hours since your regular dose, take it as soon as you remember. Do not take two doses at the same time.
• If you take too much HOPE or overdose, call your provider, poison control center, or local apothecary right away.
• If you get HOPE in your eyes, rinse well with water or tears of the homeless, and call your provider right away. Be sure to wash any clothing exposed to HOPE, using cold water and no fabric softener.
• Do not stop taking HOPE suddenly, as this can lead to a sudden loss of cabin pressure, in which case you should put your own oxygen mask before helping others. Oxygen is flowing even if the bag does not inflate.

What should I avoid while taking HOPE?

• Do not drive, operate heavy machinery, attempt dangerous activities, play Scrabble®, or accept missions impossible until you know how HOPE affects you.
• Avoid drinking to excess, illegal drugs or downloads, whoring around, or general grab-ass while taking HOPE.

What are the possible side effects of HOPE?
HOPE may cause serious side effects, including:

• See “What is the most important information I should know about HOPE?”
• aspirational syndrome (also known as “American Idol syndrome”). A potentially life-threatening condition can occur when taking HOPE and other physic. Symptoms include:
  • agitation, hallucinations, delusions, coma, death, or other changes in mental status
  • “believing in yourself” in the face of overwhelming contrary evidence
  • problems controlling your movements or muscle twitching, as evidenced by singing songs by Adele or Stevie Wonder
  • fast heartbeat
  • sweating
  • buying rounds of drinks for strangers
  • karaoke
• hypomania (manic episodes). Symptoms of manic episodes include:
  • greatly increased energy or excessive happiness (whatever that means)
  • arguing with Bill O’Reilly
  • being chosen to save France from English invaders
  • claiming friendship with aliens, rock stars, senators, or any Kardashian (even Rob)
• hearing problems. Symptoms may include hearing “Yes” when told quite clearly “No”.
• death. Symptoms of death include:
  • shortness or lack of breath
  • absence of heartbeat and/or pulse
  • lack of response to Facebook posts
  • inability to get out of bed

These are not all the possible side effects of HOPE (sperolatior). Please notify your pharmacist if you discover a new side effect, as he may be eligible for fabulous prizes, or call the Poison Control Center at 1-800-222-1222 for your own chance to play side effect roulette. Call your doctor if you have further concerns, though it isn’t as if he’s already quite busy, with real problems.

How should I store HOPE?
Store HOPE at room temperature, between 59ºF to 86ºF (15ºC to 30ºC), unless your room is colder or hotter.
Store HOPE in a secure place, so that you do not lose HOPE.
Keep HOPE out of reach of children.

General information about HOPE.
Hope is part of a complete treatment plan which includes a carefully balanced breakfast and plenty of liquids. For best results view through rose-colored glasses. Medicines or other physic are sometimes prescribed for purposes other than those listed in a Medication Guide. Do not take HOPE for a condition for which it is not prescribed. Do not give HOPE to other people, even if they have the same condition or symptoms that you have. If you would like more information, you just can’t be satisfied, can you? You may ask your provider or pharmacist for information about HOPE, as if that’s going to do you any good.

What are the ingredients in HOPE?
Active ingredient: sperolatior hydrochloride
Inactive ingredients: optimism, sunshine, trust, expectation, confidence, promise, reassurance, cheer, reliance, mannitol, polyethylene glycol 400, and iron oxide red