As found in the dialogue and narration of James Haskell, London private detective
A very idiosyncratic lexicon of some British slang terms, mostly found while trying to understand the writing of P. B. Yuill.
Sample sentences in quotation marks are from Hazell and the Menacing Jester [MJ]
all over the shop – everywhere in a confused manner
“Her hands started nipping and rubbing me, all over the shop they were.” [MJ]
berk – prat, jerk
[from “Berkeley Hunt” = “cunt”]
“most of them berks can’t hardly speak the language let alone take you anywhere.” [MJ]
bird – prison
[from “bird-lime” = “time”, an almost forgotten construction (bird-lime was sticky stuff put on tree branches to trap birds)]
(see do bird)
blag – to con, to steal by trickery
“he said it was easier blaggin’ money outa you two” [MJ]
boat-race – face
[rhyming slang]
“With a boat-race like that he must have been belting other blokes all his life just to prove he was normal.” [MJ]
boob – mistake
“‘I made a big boob,’ I said, standing up.” [MJ]
bottle it – to lose control of one’s bowels, hence, to lose one’s shit
(see also lose his bottle)
[from “bottle and glass” = “ass”]
“So you’re bottling it by then and you tell me about the … set-up.” [MJ]
Brahms and Listz – pissed, drunk
[rhyming slang]
“Beevers began to get a bit Brahms and Listz, if you know what I mean.” [MJ]
brick – dependable person
“She said I was a brick.
“At least I hoped she said brick.” [MJ]
brief – ticket for an event
“That first lot had tickets. Halfway up towards the twin domes we attracted about thirty Everton teenagers without briefs.” [MJ]
bristols – tits, breasts, boobs
[from “Bristol City” = “titty”]
“Her bristols were a proper pair, like a real bosom.” [MJ]
bung – bribe
“I’ll give him the opportunity to offer me a bung.” [MJ]
bung – to carelessly put something somewhere
“You could bung a fiver into the Post Office every week, as if you was saving it.” [MJ]
butcher’s – look
[from “butcher’s hook” = “look”]
“Standing in front of the mirror I had another butcher’s at my face.” [MJ]
carsi – bathroom, toilet
[corruption of Italian ‘casa’, meaning ‘house’; also carsey or khazi (not used by Jim Hazell)]
“I went to the carsi. There was no soap but it didn’t matter” [MJ]
cash and carry – to commit suicide
[from “cash and carry” = “hari-kari”]
“Those gents up there have a word for it, cash and carry, hari-kari.” [MJ]
champers – champagne
“Have some champers, Jim, tuck in, good times are just around the corner.” [MJ]
chancer – unscrupulous opportunist
“Driving with glass dust in his eyes and a gale round his earholes and a bunch of chancers keeping warm in the back?” [MJ]
cobblers – nonsense
[from “cobbler’s awls” = “balls”]
“the usual story, ten thousand stinking’ hippies in tents chantin’ and freakin’ out, all that guru cobblers.” [MJ]
cockle – £10
[from “cock and hen” = “ten”]
“How does a cockle now and a long ‘un when I get paid off grab you?” [MJ]
Corn Beef City – large council housing development, esp. Dagenham in East London
[from the idea that the residents could afford only corned beef]
“All the way from Corn Beef City.” [MJ]
cotton on – to realize
“simple really but few people cotton on till it’s too late – enjoy every minute because you’ll never get that particular minute back again.” [MJ]
dekko – look, glance
“Could I have a dekko at it?” [MJ]
dicky-bird – word
[rhyming slang, usu. used in negative construction]
“I’ll not breathe a dicky-bird about you.” [MJ]
do bird – to serve time in prison
“They both ended up doing bird – you know, porridge, stir – prison, Mr Beevers.” [MJ]
do porridge – to serve time in prison
(see do bird)
earwig – to eavesdrop
“He had a quick look back up the stairs to make sure nobody was earwigging.” [MJ]
fanny – lies, a story
“I’d be giving you a lot of fanny if I said I could do anything.” [MJ]
fanny merchant – fast talker
“He was a first class fanny merchant, I had to give him that.” [MJ]
fill your boots – take as much as you want
[origin uncertain]
“‘Go on, fill yer boots,’ he said loudly, sloshing into our glasses.” [MJ]
fireman’s – nose
[from “fireman’s hose” = “nose”]
“Two doors up a young gent came out wearing a tweed jacket and a brown trilby hat resting on his fireman’s.” [MJ]
flannel – nonsense, bosh
“Well, don’t quote me … my opinion is that Nicholas is one hundred per cent flannel.” [MJ]
flog – to sell
“the big rush to the turnstiles, the geezers flogging popcorn and hamburgers and early papers and rosettes and badges” [MJ]
graft – hard work
“I’m one of those naïve sorts who does a fair day’s graft for a fair day’s greens.” [MJ]
grass – to inform (on s.o.)
“We nailed the geezer all right – only he got so riled he grassed to the Inland Revenue about how our client was dodging tax in a big way.” [MJ]
greens – money
[either from green color of £1 notes, or rhyming slang “greengage” = “wage” (though another source has the latter = “stage”)]
(see graft)
herbert – silly person, dimwit
“What would a common herbert like me know about suave living?” [MJ]
Hobson’s choice – voice
[rhyming slang]
“You speak with your normal Hobson’s choice and they say beg votre pardon, foreigners and students and such, you know, university degrees and moldy clothes.” [MJ]
hooray henry – supercilious upper class British man
“hooray henries and their model birds rubbing shoulders with the newest pop stars that nobody gets time to hear of before their month of stardom is up” [MJ]
I should cocoa! – I should say so! No way!
[rhyming slang, usu. sarcastically negative]
“Inflamed? I should cocoa. Towering Infernos!” [MJ]
ice-cream – geezer, fellow, gentleman
[from “ice-cream freezer” = “geezer”]
“Nah, must be some other ice-cream who looks like me. Gawd help him” [MJ]
iron tank – bank
[rhyming slang]
“And at least this one had plenty of readies, probably more in his hip-pocket than I had in the iron tank.” [MJ]
iron turbans – ??!??
[from ???]
“I’ve got a touch of the iron turbans – sorry if I got a bit overwrought last night, few drinks, you know how it is.” [MJ]
kip – bed; nap
“I only caught the last steady in kip with her bleeding teenage cousin the other night.” [MJ]
kip – to nap, to sleep
“I’d kipped down on their sofa for the night rather than move their three kids about.” [MJ]
lolly – money
“You put up the lolly, didn’t you? You must own the most of it.” [MJ]
long ‘un – £100
(see cockle)
lose his bottle – to lose control of one’s bowels, hence, to lose one’s shit
[from “bottle and glass” = “ass”]
“In the car going to Chelsea he really began to lose his bottle.” [MJ]
melodies – fingers
[from “melody lingers” = “fingers”]
“I gave it up since I saw you last, didn’t have long enough melodies for it, did I?” [MJ]
minces – eyes
[from “mince pies” = “eyes”]
“Lou Nicholas, Jewish-like but the public school sort, smooth as a bun penny, stare at you with his big blue minces and tell you the most diabolical lyin’ crap you ever did hear.” [MJ]
mob-handed – with a large group of people, with a gang
“if he’s using amateurs he’ll have to send you mob-handed next time” [MJ]
moggy – [informal rather than slang] cat
“he steals cats for the cheap fur trade. King of the moggy mob, that’s him.” [MJ]
mother’s ruin – gin
“It was like walking into the middle of a TV commercial, maybe that one for gin where they’re all young and lovely and rich and nobody gets pissed although they’re sloshing back enough mother’s ruin to frighten a fish-porter.” [MJ]
muggins – fool, dupe
“it began to look as if he was fated to be Muggins no matter how hard he worked at being Mr Big.” [MJ]
mush – fellow, mate, pal
“here, mush, give us a butcher’s at yer bankbook!” [MJ]
nark – to annoy, to irritate
“Them bastards in the office see us picking’ up fares on our own account they get a bit narked.” [MJ]
Niagaras – testicles
[from “Niagara falls” = “balls”]
“He let out the most awful yelp and jabbed his big knee up into my Niagaras.” [MJ]
nick – police station; jail
“Better tell her to ring the Chelsea nick, keep it all under one roof.” [MJ]
nicker – one pound sterling
[always singular even for larger amounts, save in construction “pair of knickers” = £2]
“Did I want a color illustrated book about forensic pathology at seven nicker?” [MJ]
nob – wealthy person
“I suppose we all used to see those big cars taking the nobs to football matches and wish we were in them.” [MJ]
nobbins – money, esp. coins collected by buskers
“Instead of waiting for people to bung in the nobbins he was choosing victims and dancing along the pavement in front of them – backwards.” [MJ]
noodles – words [???], nothings [???]
[????]
“On the other side of the glass this loving couple were leaning over the table to whisper soft noodles at each other.” [MJ]
nut – to head-butt
“I nutted him on the nose and he didn’t seem to feel it.” [MJ]
Old Bill – policeman; the police force
“‘You’re the Old Bill,’ he said accusingly, looking at me sideways.” [MJ]
on his tod – on his own, all alone
[from “Tod Sloan” (once famous American jockey) = “own”]
“I ended up at the Westbourne Grove A B C seeing Chinatown on my tod.” [MJ]
on my Tod Sloan – on my own, all alone
[from “Tod Sloan” (once famous American jockey) = “own”]
“I never like being in boozers on my Tod Sloan.” [MJ]
on the knocker – going door-to-door soliciting
“From that distance I couldn’t see his face too well but he didn’t look like a Chelsea vicar on the knocker for the fabric fund.” [MJ]
plates – feet
[from “plates of meat” = “feet”]
“I hadn’t noticed before just how big his plates actually were, size thirteen maybe.” [MJ]
ponce – sissy
“it makes me bloody sick to think of ponces like that spending more in a night than most people have to bring up their families” [MJ]
pony – £25
“This is just a job to me, Mrs Beevers, I’m getting paid a pony a day to stop these things happening, that’s all.” [MJ]
porridge – prison
[allegedly from the poor fare served there]
(see do porridge)
pull a stroke – to pull a fast one, to put one over on, to deceive
“Cor, pullin’ a stroke on your own flesh an’ blood!” [MJ]
punter – customer, esp. at a pub or of a prostitute
“he always works at night, gets more out of punters goin’ home pissed from the West End.” [MJ]
put the mockers on – to jinx, to lessen (the chances of)
[possibly of Australian origin]
“I hate them creepin’ Jesuses puttin’ the mockers on the party spirit, know what I mean?” [MJ]
rabbit, rabbiting – talk, talking
[from “rabbit and pork” = “talk”]
“At the other end of the basins three small Japanese geezers in identical dark suits and sky black haircuts were rabbiting away to each other.” [MJ]
railings – teeth
“I left my tongue slide round my steak-polished railings.” [MJ]
readies – money, cash, bank notes
“They always have a bale of readies for impressing you but you’re never too sure how they made it in the first place.” [MJ]
reggie – rear end
[from “Reg Grundies” = “undies” (Reg Grundy was famous Australian TV producer)]
“He was pulling away from the kerb before my reggie reached the upholstery.” [MJ]
the ring of confidence – [not slang] advertising slogan for Colgate dental cream
“That’s why I need the ring of confidence.” [MJ]
rozzer – policeman, (pl.) the police
“You had the feeling the rozzers would nab you for not wearing a clean shirt and a tie.” [MJ]
St. Louis Blues, saint loueys – shoes
[duh]
“Soon as I got a few quid ahead of the game I’d be puffing 6-inch Havanas to go with my St Louis Blues from Bond Street.” [MJ]
Scouse – [not slang] dialect of Liverpool and of Merseyside county; thus, resident of that locale
“As you’d expect from Scouses they were a bit livelier.” [MJ]
shattered – exhausted, dead tired
“‘I’m shattered,’ he said. ‘Why the bloody hell would anybody go to all this trouble?'” [MJ]
shop – to inform on, to drop a dime on someone
“One thing about the educated, they love shopping each other.” [MJ]
skyrocket – pocket
[rhyming slang]
“He kept forgetting things and then finding them and then forgetting which skyrocket he’d put them in.” [MJ]
slag off – to insult or to criticize s.o.
“Every so often he came creeping round and said we ought to go partners and every time I would slag him off.” [MJ]
spiv – petty criminal, esp. black marketer
“Those kids were spot on, we were the smart boys London is famous for, well-dressed spies who get all that’s going and sneer at naïve punters who sweat their guts out in the black-pudding belt.” [MJ]
sproncy – fashionable
“They pay sixty grand to live in a sproncy little street like this and then they rush off to the country?” [MJ]
Stag – [not slang] Triumph convertible 4-seat coupé of the 1970s
“I got in the Stag and headed for Ravenscourt Park by way of Park Lane, Bayswater Road and Shepherd’s Bush Green.” [MJ]
strides – pants, trousers
“What’s a pair of strides and a jacket and a few aches and pains against that kind of money?” [MJ]
stroppy – belligerent, hard to deal with
“‘let’s you and me get in the motor and have a quiet chat, eh? Only don’t get stroppy with me – all right?'” [MJ]
swish – fashionable, posh
“and you got a very swish flat there in Inverson Court” [MJ]
taking the micky – to make fun of someone, to be joking
[from “Mickey Bliss” = “piss”]
“He frowned at me, thinking maybe I was taking the micky.” [MJ]
taking the piss – to joke, to mock
(see taking the micky)
tinkle – phone call
“I’ve got somebody here actually, can I give you a tinkle later on, Harry?” [MJ]
titch – small person, small child
“I wish you wouldn’t call me Titch. I’m not your kid brother.” [MJ]
trick-cyclist – psychiatrist
[verbal derangement of “psychiatrist”]
“I know it sounds crazy – I went to a trick-cyclist a few months back, he told me I was insecure!” [MJ]
turtles – mad in love [???]
[??? unknown if correct, but “turtle doves” = “gloves”, thus maybe transference to “love” ???]
“You’re so turtles about her you’ll shell out another fifteen grand to keep her safe.” [MJ]
twig – to realize, to catch on
“By the time I twigged I was in as deep as him” [MJ]
weigh off – to sentence to prison
“If you don’t get him weighed off now he’ll be on your back again soon as he feels better.” [MJ]
whack – portion, esp. a large share
“Once you’re tangling with a bloke who’s done his whack on the cobbles you either forget you’re a decent chap or you end up a decent crippled chap.” [MJ]
wire into – to eat heartily, to dig in
“The rest of you – please wire into the grub, plenty of champers left.” [MJ]
wotcha – a greeting, “hey”
“Wotcha, Bobby – no, don’t move” [MJ]