Why do you clap?
I spent yesterday in a mild traveler’s disturbia that seems to be our legacy for the future. First the flight was delayed, then after boarding we sat while warning light inconsistencies were investigated, then we were made to get off the plane, then back on, out to the runway, where the warning light issues recrudesced, then back to the gate, and finally put on a new plane are back to the regularly scheduled inconveniences of air travel. All told, the three-and-a-half hour flight was delayed some four or five hours.
I was not surprised at the spontaneous groan when the pilot originally announced we were returning to the gate during our second bout with indicator light issues. I was surprised, however, when the rear of the cabin broke out in seemingly spontaneous applause when our plane finally touched down at our much-delayed destination. Why did those people clap? Why would anyone applaud the eventual delivery of service bought and paid for twice over: once in currency and again in ignorant frustration and helpless delay? If I have to send my order back to the kitchen twice, three times, because my food is both not what I ordered and also so distant from what I ordered that I don’t subside into a muttered “It’s okay, I guess”, I would never dream of telling the waiter “My compliments to the chef!” More likely I would stiff on the tip, and grouse internally that they should have offered to cover the cost of my dinner gratis.
Yes, I know: I’m a misanthropic curmudgeon who has no business sharing space in a winged air-tube with families and happy vacationers and all the other wonderful afflatus of middle-class culture. I won’t argue the point. But I still am flummoxed as to why people think that applauding for so-so service has any merit, purpose, or other than ill effect.
This isn’t the first time I’ve been plane-bound with clap-happy travelers. Flying frequently for work as I do, I have experienced at least a half-dozen such “spontaneous demonstrations” over the past year. Generally these occur when a pilot has made a particularly bumpy landing, which reinforces my original point. Why would we applaud an obviously bad effort, when a flawless if typical delivery passes unnoticed?
Perhaps it is merely an expression of relief. In yesterday’s case, relief that a long journey was finally over (or at least that particular leg of it was complete). The applause for the shoddy landings, likewise, may have been simply the expression of joy that our body parts, assorted luggage, and “service items” (as the plastic cups of soda, napkins, and peanuts are now called) were not spread out across the runway in a fiery scar, that we had instead all made it home (or wherever) once again. Fair enough. But I still might wish that my fellow passengers could keep their enthusiasm for their continued existence to themselves, and express their gratitude with silent prayer. Heck, I’ll even allow a fervently murmured “Amen!” to escape from the lips of those most poleaxed by the fear of the cessation of their existence, since silent prayer is demonstrably out of fashion; every awards show honoree must publicly thank God, in case He’s only checking His TiVo.
And since I’m just being completely hateful, I’ll add that I am also not a fan of applauding — again on planes — those travelling with me, “in or out of uniform”, who are serving, have served, might serve (?) in the U.S. military. First off, I don’t like being put on the spot by the stewardesses like that (I know, I know: “flight attendants” — But when they’re asking me to applaud, I don’t believe they’re ‘attending’ my needs. Seems more like stewardship to me…); it reminds me of going to the movies and then being forced to watch an infomercial about childhood disease-of-the-month, and then they bring the lights up and send the staff to beg for your contributions. I’ll give at the intersection, thank you, waiting for the left turn arrow. Second, why are we not as habitually thanking the teachers, librarians, etc., etc. Well, except for the fact that their unions and pensions are what single-handedly caused the financial collapse back in 2008. So you got me there. Lastly, a friend of mine in the military tells me that, “if they want to clap, that’s okay” but that he doesn’t feel they need to. It’s his job, he says, and he volunteered, he points out. I believe that the truth is, we are not applauding our military today: we are trying to propitiate ghosts haunting us from Vietnam. If we truly want to show respect to our current servicemen and servicewomen, we would more fully fund the rehabilitation and re-entry for our returning soldiers, we wouldn’t have waiting lists for prostheses, and so on and so forth, ad infinitum.
I fear that all this applauding dates back to 1976, and the original Star Wars movie. A great movie was given its ham-fisted ending with Princess Leia presenting medals to the boys, and Chewie says clap and they clap in the movie, and we all clapped in the theaters, and so we started seeing movies ending with the applause they hoped to receive. Perhaps in another time and place works of art would focus on generating applause, but today we are much more interested in receiving it. (Oh, and fanboy, yeah, I know, Chewie didn’t order them to clap, he gave the order for the assembled troops to turn face front to watch the ceremony, and they only clapped after the presentation, blah, blah — you (and me) make me sick.)
However, our opportunities for giving applause are pretty limited. Most of us do not attend classical music performances, political conventions, or Kiwanis Club meetings, and at most public events — concerts and the like — that we do attend, we only have one hand free as the other is holding aloft our cell phone so that we’ll have a shitty video of the event to remember that we were there, so we can’t applaud. The remainder of the usual applause opportunities consists of enforced applause situations, either in school awards or large company meetings. So perhaps the spontaneous applause on airplanes is simply a way of relieving tension, of letting loose those tamped down urges to applaud which I’m sure we all have. Maybe.
So maybe we can just resolve to clap in the privacy of our own homes. That way you’ll be sure what you’re applauding for, won’t be buckling to peer pressure, and anyone who disagrees with you won’t be bothered. But as far as planes… If I’m on a plane and the pilot makes an emergency landing on the Hudson River, I might consider applauding — though I suspect I’d be too busy pushing forward to make sure no one cuts ahead of me in the queue to the emergency exits.