Medication Guide

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MEDICATION GUIDE
HOPE [hohp]
(sperolatior)

Read this Medication Guide before you start taking HOPE and each time you get a refill. There may be new information. Could be. This information does not take the place of talking to your physician about your condition or your treatment.

What is the most important information I should know about HOPE?
HOPE and other anticipatory physic may cause serious side effects.

  • Anticipatory physic may increase aspirational thoughts in some children, teenagers, young adults, or seniors within the first few moments of treatment.
  • Nihilism or other serious conditions of futility may occur if prescribed hope is unfulfilled.
  • Serious mental health problems
    • psychosis (seeing or hearing things that are not real, such as Balanced Budget Amendments or Equal Pay)
    • mania (feelings of euphoria or excitement)
    • binge watching CSI: Miami

Call your provider right away if you have any of the following symptoms:

  • swollen toes, ankles, feet, or other footal swelling
  • too much or too little sleep
  • changes in mood, appetite, weight, equilibrium, or hair color
  • feelings of worthlessness or guilt
  • new or worse anxiety
  • new or worse feelings
  • other unusual changes in behavior, such as not being able to finish old levels of Candy Crush

What is HOPE?

  • HOPE is a physic used to treat certain motivational disorders, such as futility, nihilism, depression, joblessness, disempowerment, and mange.
  • HOPE can hurt the tube that connects your mouth to your stomach (esophagus) if it is not swallowed whole.
  • Your physician, barber, or leech has determined that the benefits of taking HOPE are greater than the risks of side effects.
  • In clinical studies, the beneficial effects of HOPE (sperolatior) were determined to be greater than those of a placebo (p < 0.05).

Who should not take HOPE?
Do not take HOPE if you:

  • are allergic to optimism or any of the ingredients in HOPE (sperolatior).
  • have exhausted all of your appeals.
  • are entering Hell, or an internship at an investment banking firm in New York.

What should I tell my provider before taking HOPE?
Tell your provider if you:

  • have liver problems
  • have had seizures or convulsions
  • have migraines, frequent headaches, or periodic visions of saints or devils
  • have cable, Netflix, HULU, or Amazon Prime
  • don’t give a rat’s ass
  • drink alcohol
  • inject alcohol
  • snort alcohol
  • came up with a new way to ingest alcohol (see clysters, below)
  • are pregnant or plan to become pregnant or are breastfeeding or plan to become breastfeeding
  • are lactose, gluten, or liberal intolerant
  • have some other problem we haven’t thought of but which we can’t be blamed for not mentioning since we have this catch-all phrase here, right here

Tell your physician about all the physic you are currently taking, including prescription medicaments, under-the-counter medicines, vitamins, herbs, and alchemical preparations. HOPE may interact with some medicines, may not work as well, or may cause serious side effects such as twerking.
Especially tell your provider is you take:

  • leeches
  • clysters, colonics, or other purgatives
  • flakka
  • your time
  • St. John’s Wort or tryptophan
  • MAOIs
  • nicotine injectables
  • flan, marzipan, or wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am
  • heed
  • a stand, a powder, the rap, a crack
  • charge, cover, heart, exception, off, place, pains, notice, liberties, turns
  • Did we mention MAOIs? Oh, yeah, I guess we did
  • breaks
  • quinine or water or coffee or tea
  • other medications, such as
    • Courage (animopacis)
    • Faith (fidesubcubitus)
    • Vaxidrin (or other products of the Prescott Pharmaceuticals)

Ask your physician if you are not sure if you are taking any of the above, or if you just want to know where you stand.

How should I take HOPE?

  • Take HOPE exactly as directed, unless you are directed not to.
  • Take HOPE at about the same time each day.
  • Take HOPE with thimbles, care, and forks.
  • Do not start or stop taking HOPE without consulting your physician, lawyer, or Twitter.
  • HOPE may be taken with or without food, grains of salt, railway shares, or soap.
  • If you miss a dose of HOPE, and it has been less than 12 hours since your regular dose, take it as soon as you remember. Do not take two doses at the same time.
  • If you take too much HOPE or overdose, call your provider, poison control center, or local apothecary right away.
  • If you get HOPE in your eyes, rinse well with water or tears of the homeless, and call your provider right away. Be sure to wash any clothing exposed to HOPE, using cold water and no fabric softener.
  • Do not stop taking HOPE suddenly, as this can lead to a sudden loss of cabin pressure, in which case you should put your own oxygen mask before helping others. Oxygen is flowing even if the bag does not inflate.

What should I avoid while taking HOPE?

  • Do not drive, operate heavy machinery, attempt dangerous activities, play Scrabble®, or accept missions impossible until you know how HOPE affects you.
  • Avoid drinking to excess, illegal drugs or downloads, whoring around, or general grab-ass while taking HOPE.

What are the possible side effects of HOPE?
HOPE may cause serious side effects, including:

  • See “What is the most important information I should know about HOPE?”
  • aspirational syndrome (also known as “American Idol syndrome”). A potentially life-threatening condition can occur when taking HOPE and other physic. Symptoms include:
    • agitation, hallucinations, delusions, coma, death, or other changes in mental status
    • “believing in yourself” in the face of overwhelming contrary evidence
    • problems controlling your movements or muscle twitching, as evidenced by singing songs by Adele or Stevie Wonder
    • fast heartbeat
    • sweating
    • buying rounds of drinks for strangers
    • karaoke
  • hypomania (manic episodes). Symptoms of manic episodes include:
    • greatly increased energy or excessive happiness (whatever that means)
    • arguing with Bill O’Reilly
    • being chosen to save France from English invaders
    • claiming friendship with aliens, rock stars, senators, or any Kardashian (even Rob)
  • hearing problems. Symptoms may include hearing “Yes” when told quite clearly “No”.
  • death. Symptoms of death include:
    • shortness or lack of breath
    • absence of heartbeat and/or pulse
    • lack of response to Facebook posts
    • inability to get out of bed

These are not all the possible side effects of HOPE (sperolatior). Please notify your pharmacist if you discover a new side effect, as he may be eligible for fabulous prizes, or call the Poison Control Center at 1-800-222-1222 for your own chance to play side effect roulette. Call your doctor if you have further concerns, though it isn’t as if he’s already quite busy, with real problems.

How should I store HOPE?
Store HOPE at room temperature, between 59ºF to 86ºF (15ºC to 30ºC), unless your room is colder or hotter.
Store HOPE in a secure place, so that you do not lose HOPE.
Keep HOPE out of reach of children.

General information about HOPE.
Hope is part of a complete treatment plan which includes a carefully balanced breakfast and plenty of liquids. For best results view through rose-colored glasses. Medicines or other physic are sometimes prescribed for purposes other than those listed in a Medication Guide. Do not take HOPE for a condition for which it is not prescribed. Do not give HOPE to other people, even if they have the same condition or symptoms that you have. If you would like more information, you just can’t be satisfied, can you? You may ask your provider or pharmacist for information about HOPE, as if that’s going to do you any good.

What are the ingredients in HOPE?
Active ingredient: sperolatior hydrochloride
Inactive ingredients: optimism, sunshine, trust, expectation, confidence, promise, reassurance, cheer, reliance, mannitol, polyethylene glycol 400, and iron oxide red

Brief Glance at Religious Devastation

Recently I read yet another statement decrying religion, blaming religion for most of the assorted atrocities and ills of mankind. It did not help that the quote was attributed to Bill Maher, who has the tactful subtlety of pancreatitis, nor that the person promulgating same was someone I respect very much, and whose good opinion I crave. I could not reign myself in, however, and gave vent to a contrarian view, as is my wont. After some back and forth I realized that my negative reaction to such generalized statements as ‘religion causes harm’ could not be summed up in a few sentences, so I am trying here to briefly sketch out why I think such arguments are glib and facile.

When reading that most human horrors — wars, bigotry, repression, torture — can be blamed primarily upon religion, I am saddened. I can see some justification for the claim, and long indeed is the list of crimes and terror committed in the name of this or that religious belief. But I believe that something is lost, something of great value, if we permanently consign religion to society’s dungheap. For one thing, we negate almost all human actions which occurred more than two centuries in the past. Homo saecularis is a quintessentially modern being, ushered in to our present world by the unholy trinity of Darwin, Marx, and Freud. And though only the former gets a sticker on the back of cars, all three can be said to have heaped their shovel full of mere earth upon the grave of God. But I believe we lose not only our past experience by an unthinking negation of religion as a whole; I think that we run the risk of cutting ourselves off from an essentially human experience, that we negate a fundamental force in society, if we declare that religion to be useless as a whole.

To be sure, I must first define my terms, for I do not view religion as this or that set of beliefs. I follow more of Durkheim’s model, and am not entirely sure that society is possible without religion. To my mind, convicting religion for human murder is as apropos as blaming oxygen for the same felonious acts, as both have been present wherever humans have existed; there even may be — perhaps! — correlation, but causality remains to be proven. In Durkheim’s construction, human beings gather together for corporate events and experience the power of their mutual activity, which he calls mana. Seeking to replicate that feeling and power, people repeat the rituals, eventually codifying and organizing the activities and beliefs around them. This organized specification defines the areas of the sacred and profane, and thus religion is a projection of society itself upon the universe in which this group of humans find themselves. Durkheim’s approach posits that every society will have some religion, and proceeds from his fundamental principle that “the unanimous sentiment of the believers of all times cannot be purely illusory.”[1] Now this of course will raise howls of objections — for one thing, each religion teaches completely different beliefs, and there is no unanimity to be found. But Durkheim is speaking of the universality of religious experience, not the trappings within which it appears wrapped.

Seen in this light, Durkheim shows just how helpful religion has been to humanity, a fact entirely lost upon the Bill Mahers of the world. I do not mean by this the positive accidents of religions which can be counterpoised to the terrors mentioned at the onset: the preservation of knowledge, the sense of purpose and meaning given to millions, the structures which have supported good causes and actions. No, Durkheim here is talking about the most basic supports of our human reason, classification systems which we now take for granted, so prevalent have they become. Such notions as the idea of time itself, with its hours, days, weeks, months, and years, or even concepts of space, force, personality — all these have their roots in the religious consciousness.[2] In fact, the very idea of the ideal — which fuels the atheistic attacks upon religion — stems from religion, for it is religion that explains man’s propensity for thinking of and striving for a better ‘other’, whether in this world or the next. As Durkheim says,

our definition of the sacred is that it is something added to and above the real: now the ideal answers to the same definition; we cannot explain one without explaining the other. In fact, we have seen that if collective life awakens religious thought on reaching a certain degree of intensity, it is because it brings about a state of effervescence which changes the conditions of psychic activity. Vital energies are over-excited, passions more active, sensations stronger; there are even some which are produced only at this moment. A man does not recognize himself; he feels himself transformed and consequently he transforms the environment which surrounds him. In order to account for the very particular impressions which he receives, he attributes to the things with which he is in most direct contact properties which they have not, exceptional powers and virtues which the objects of every-day experience do not possess. In a word, above the real world where his profane life passes he has placed another which, in one sense, does not exist except in thought, but to which he attributes a higher sort of dignity than to the first. Thus, from a double point of view it is an ideal world.[3]

Now this power of idealization is behind such thoughts as “Wouldn’t the world be better if only there were no religions?” Only the religious impulse can bring about the positive action to create this heaven on earth, which may be anathema to most atheists.[4] But is atheism not itself religious? Well, there may be some Pure Land Atheists who are beyond such trivial concerns, but… Two points occur. Firstly, much of glib atheistic belief seems to fit the (non-Durkheim) mode of religious belief, wherein the subject 1) has an insight which cannot be proven scientifically, and then 2) is impelled to convince others of its truth. Thus proselytizing disbelief fits William S. Burroughs’s ‘language is a virus’ definition of religion. Secondly, the idea of condemning others for not being right-thinkers, of ascribing to non-non-believers every sort of foul act, prejudice, and excrescence imaginable also seems very religious in the non-formal and perjorative sense. It seems almost to be just what some are complaining about in other religions, in fact.

Thus according to my construction, religion is something we are stuck with, whether it be the product of weekly church visits from birth or yearly pilgrimages in costume to Comic-Con or Burning Man. If we want, however, to say that this religion or that religion is bad, I suppose one can make those arguments, and I will listen. I am not a moral relativist, believing that all societies are fundamentally equivalent (Don’t get me started on Bronies). There are also similarities among true atrocities which should be examined, and studied thoroughly. One of these is the idea of committing acts ‘In the Name of _____’; this is where the 3rd Commandment’s proscription could help, I believe.[5] But the biggest contributor to horror seems to me not to be religion per se, but the continual struggle of ‘Us’ versus ‘Them’. Defining the ‘Other’ as anathema, subhuman, worthy only of contempt — this to me seems to be the root of so much terror and death. Was the murder of the Jews by the Nazis religiously based? If so, does that mean that Anti-Semitism is a religion? But I admit I do not know the answer to the fundamental questions raised by the terrors of the 20th Century.

I do feel strongly, however, that if we are content to blame religion of all, or even most, hateful atrocities, we abdicate responsibility for these same acts. Not that “we all killed the Kennedys”, but that we risk losing sight of the complex social interactions that lie behind most of the crimes most often credited to the malevolent influence of religion. The majority of the witch burnings, for example, turn out to have occurred in European domains where weak rulers followed popular accusations with strident executions to prove their mettle, as it were. In demesnes where rulers were strong, on the other hand, original accusations of witchery were not allowed to spiral into further cycles of accusations, and often the penalties were exile rather than death.[6] We also know that the majority of the witch trials followed the Protestant Reformation, rather than the medieval Inquisition, strangely enough. I suggest only that a more nuanced view of these and other hateful occurrences is necessary if we are to ever truly understand their causes and, one hopes, the ways they may be prevented. The facile assignment of blame to religion blinds us to the complexity of social life that may hold the key for understanding these and other acts of the human animal. As Francis Bacon (the old one) said,

for as God uses the help of our reason to illuminate us, so should we turn it every way, that we may be more capable of understanding His mysteries; provided only that the mind be enlarged, according to its capacity, to the grandeur of the mysteries, and not the mysteries contracted to the narrowness of the mind.

1Emile Durkheim, The Elementary Forms of the Religious Life, trans. Joseph Ward Swain (The Free Press: New York, 1965), p. 464.
2Durkheim, op. cit., pp. 22-25.
3Ibid., pp. 469-470.
4This is similar to the old canard that anarchists would be a real threat if they could ever get organized.
5I also love Leonard Cohen’s line “You say I took the name in vain/Well, I don’t even know the name.”
3William Monter, “Witch Trials in Continental Europe 1560-1660”, in Witchcraft and Magic in Europe: The Period of the Witch Trials, ed. Bengt Ankarloo (Philadephia: University of Pennsylvania Press, 2002), pp. 12-17.

Dylan & The Dead

This day in Steve History…BD-GD-1987-07-24

Was fortunate enough to catch one of six shows where Bob Dylan and The Grateful Dead played together, and a good time was had by almost all…

27 years ago this day, in the A’s Stadium, got a great location to watch these guys do the rock thang. Unfortunately, I demonstrated my ability to completely misread people and situations, and became convinced that the Dead and Bob Dylan were just hating playing with each other, that they had a ton of mutual antipathy — to the dismay of my compeers. Of course, they were not dissing each other; Bob Dylan said later that these were some of his favorite times playing, and certainly one can see the impetus for the “Never-Ending Tour” in these half-dozen shows back in the late 80s.

Sonnet

In exile poetry class with André Breton,
Conspiring ice picks behind the teacher’s eyes.
Await the lightning strike to ostracize
Or demonize while feeling put upon.
The categorical imperative drones on
And on, releases spans of tentative whys.
So though a lover can only sympathize
Denatured life seems so sickly and wan.
Her thighs like goosedown plains of promise reel
Below the hemline of dream and cheekbone’s fire
While peasants’ flowers braid themselves above
Exploding skies where open secrets feel
The sweaty pulse of Satan’s stolen lyre
And even braindead drones can talk of love.

Re: That Poem

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