Data Analysis: The Eleven Myriad Things (110,000 Songs)

As promised, herewith begins the data analysis of my first 110,000 songs heard through iTunes.

Top Level

Saving the caveats for later, we dive in with the statement that I have listened at least once to 110,000 tracks in iTunes. Crossing this milestone occurred just before 5PM on April 17, 2019. Remaining to be heard at that point were 81,831 audio tracks, meaning 57.34% of my listenable* collection has been heard. The heard files occupy 705.21 GB of data, and span 442 days, 10 hours, 37 minutes, and 36 seconds in length. The unheard tracks take up 567.17 GB of disk space, and would take 326 days, 13 hours, 38 minutes, and 42 seconds of uninterrupted time to hear in total. Dividing the total time to hear the 110,000 tracks (a little over a year and two-and-a-half months) by the number of tracks gives us an average track length of 5 minutes and 48 seconds, thought that summary average is a trifle deceptive, as we shall see.

Average Track Length: 5:48

The average file size is 6.57 MB, though these have an even wider variance than the length of the files in question.

The average song rating for those tracks which I have rated is 3-2/3 stars, using iTunes much-deprecated rating system.

Average Track Rating: 3.67

Not all songs have been rated: I do not rate tracks designed to impart instruction in a foreign language (including Old English), and I have only begun consistently rating songs in more recent years (see caveats for issues with this datapoint). Only 142 tracks fall into the Language genre, leaving 32,830 songs I’ve heard without rating them.

 

Total Songs Rated: 77,028

The vast majority of the eleven myriad† songs here were listened to only one time. 91,172 tracks were heard only once. Of the remaining 18,828 songs, the majority (10,881) were heard twice. The numbers drop off drastically after that as the play count increases, with only 760 songs being heard more than 12 times. (There are some issues with the higher play counts, explained in caveats below.)

With all due caveats about the earliest play dates, it took 5,935 days to listen to these 110K tracks, that is to say, 16 years and 3 months (plus 3 days as change). Thus, I listened to, on average, eighteen-and-a-half songs per day. As will be seen, this listening rate fluctuated drastically over the course of the past sixteen years, though the overall rate is remarkably similar to the rate for the most recent 10,000 songs heard.

18.53 New Songs Heard per Day

Conversely, although only 442 days worth of music were listened to during that 5,935 day period, when we summarize based on the number of plays, we find that I’ve listened to just under 600 days of sound files of one species or another. (The actual figure is 599 days, 2 hours, 39 minutes, and 5 seconds, but who’s counting?) This means that I listened to iTunes (on average) just over two hour and thirty-five minutes each day.

2 hours, 35.33 minutes per day Listening to Stuff

Top Level Genre Information

Though I tried to scrub this data as effectively as possible (see caveats below), I found that my Genre information contained much garbage, and then found as I tried to correct that problem that this was and is an endless task, so I decided to end the task, and present you with the information as I have it now. You may feel free to object all you wish to the stuff presented here, and I look forward to your vicious attacks upon this and any other useless data.

That said, the songs or other audio already heard fall into 89 different genres. Fully one quarter of all tracks are classified as Rock (27,639 files). The next two most populated genres are Radio Show and the bipolar and not quite useful Alternative & Punk categories, each making up approximately 6% of all tracks already heard (6,773 and 6,567 examples, respectively). I am endeavoring to separate ‘Alternative’ from ‘Punk’, and hope to complete that before another ten thousand songs are heard; currently 4,421 files are classed as simply Punk, while another 3,009 are labeled as Alternative. If those were added to the almost pointless ‘Apples & Oranges’ category mentioned before, that would make the combined weight of these tracks equal to over 12.5% of all heard files. Also of note are 3,109 files for which no genre information is attached. Looking at those files for which at least 1,000 examples are found, the breakdown by genre is as follows:

Genre Count %
Rock 27,639 25.13%
Radio Show 6,773 6.16%
Alternative & Punk 6,567 5.97%
Pop 5,771 5.25%
Jazz 4,614 4.19%
Punk 4,421 4.02%
Folk 4,314 3.92%
Country 3,985 3.62%
Classical 3,589 3.26%
World 3,191 2.90%
(blank) 3,109 2.83%
Blues 3,066 2.79%
Alternative 3,009 2.74%
Soundtrack 2,341 2.13%
Electronica/Dance 2,315 2.10%
Hip Hop/Rap 1,998 1.82%
R&B 1,864 1.69%
Latin 1,767 1.61%
Easy Listening 1,340 1.22%
Analog CyberPunk 1,193 1.08%
Spoken Word 1,114 1.01%
Metal 1,093 0.99%
Gospel & Religious 1,092 0.99%

And of course there’s a picture for those visually-minded among you:

 

Top Level Popular Artists

One way of determining the most popular artists is by looking at the number of songs played during the eleven myriad tracks I’ve listened to. Doing so give us the following breakdown:

Most Popular Artists by Number of Songs Played
Artist (#1-#25) Songs % Artist (#26-#50) Songs %
Bob Dylan 3,439 3.13% Theater Five 253 0.23%
{unknown} 1,435 1.30% Emmylou Harris 251 0.23%
CBS Radio Mystery Theater 1,049 0.95% Ella Fitzgerald 249 0.23%
The Beatles 1,023 0.93% Led Zeppelin 247 0.22%
The Grateful Dead 1,021 0.93% Pink Floyd 242 0.22%
Wanda Jackson 774 0.70% {sound effects} 239 0.22%
Johann Sebastian Bach 756 0.69% Eric Clapton 238 0.22%
Lux Radio Theatre 670 0.61% Green Day 235 0.21%
Jerry Garcia 560 0.51% Duke Ellington 232 0.21%
Johnny Cash 518 0.47% Frank Sinatra 231 0.21%
Neil Young 494 0.45% Leonard Cohen 231 0.21%
The Rolling Stones 481 0.44% The Bevis Frond 226 0.21%
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart 335 0.30% Radiohead 216 0.20%
David Bowie 327 0.30% Ludwig van Beethoven 215 0.20%
The Byrds 326 0.30% Pete Seeger 204 0.19%
The Clash 313 0.28% R.E.M. 200 0.18%
The Ramones 308 0.28% Talking Heads 200 0.18%
Jimi Hendrix 296 0.27% Lloyd Cole 199 0.18%
The Green Hornet 281 0.26% Richard Wagner 197 0.18%
William Conrad 278 0.25% The Simpsons 186 0.17%
The Who 276 0.25% Jack Webb 183 0.17%
Suspense 274 0.25% Electric Light Orchestra 181 0.16%
Bruce Springsteen 263 0.24% Jethro Tull 181 0.16%
The Beach Boys 254 0.23% Tom Waits 181 0.16%
Elvis Costello 253 0.23% Earle Graser 180 0.16%

There are, however, other ways of looking at this data. We can, for example, look at the total number of plays for each artist to garner a different view of my biggest faves, for there are bound to be some I love but for whom I don’t have lots of tracks, or simply for whom there were never that many songs released to begin with, but which I listen to over and over again. When I looked upon this data from this perspective, malhéreusement, I found that the issues surfaced above and noted in the caveats regarding higher play counts washed away any useful information. I next attempted to use ratings as a guide (despite the caveats), but that merely rearranged the data already given in the table above without surfacing any really new insights. I also tried using these same factors with an additional weighting by length of each track, but that merely promoted the radio shows and other artists with longer songs (or at least longer noodling; I’m looking at you, Jerry).

There were a few more revelations to come when we looked at the popular artists over time, which data are presented in the next section.

 

The View Over Time

The revelations of these 110,000 datapoints of sound attain sharper perspective when viewed over time. Here we learn some surprises and also see how drastically my listening habits have changed over the past 20K tracks. Three main factors appear: consistent average song length until the past few years, increasing file size, and widely varying listening rates until recently. The following chart gives a high-level overview (broken out by successive groups of ten thousand songs heard) of these and other aggregate data.

Summary Data Over Time
Total Songs Played Data Size Avg Track Length Begin/End Dates Days to reach 10K Songs Avg Songs per Day
10K 49.28 GB 3:36 1/15/2003, 2:43 AM 803 12.45
3/28/2005, 11:35 PM
20K 49.44 GB 3:43 3/28/2005, 11:38 AM 252 39.68
12/5/2005, 9:32 AM
30K 49.83 GB 3:51 12/5/2005, 9:47 AM 446 22.42
2/24/2007, 1:46 PM
40K 46.84 GB 3:54 2/24/2007, 1:53 PM 1278 7.82
8/25/2010, 7:32 PM
50K 49.61 GB 3:51 8/25/2010, 7:42 PM 962 10.40
4/13/2013, 1:33 PM
60K 56.91 GB 3:46 4/13/2013, 1:33 PM 370 27.03
4/18/2014, 7:20 PM
70K 68.35 GB 3:51 4/19/2014, 7:28 AM 187 53.48
10/23/2014, 3:11 PM
80K 63.52 GB 3:57 10/23/2014, 3:16 PM 334 29.94
9/22/2015, 11:38 AM
90K 66.1 GB 4:19 9/22/2015, 11:40 AM 180 55.56
3/20/2016, 10:42 AM
100K 104.71 GB 11:57 3/20/2016, 10:54 AM 577 17.33
10/18/2017, 2:45 PM
110K 100.61 GB 16:58 10/18/2017, 3:13 PM 546 18.32
4/17/2019, 4:51 PM
Totals 705.21 GB 5:48 1/15/2003, 2:43 AM 5,935 (for 110K) 18.53
4/17/2019, 4:51 PM

 

The primary change to my listening habits, which is apparent in the chart above, has been the introduction of large swathes of radio shows to my listening budget. These old shows are freely available on Archive.org and many other sites, and you can find them easily by searching on the term “OTR” (for “Old Time Radio” — although all radio narrative content is now ‘Old Time’, since ‘New Time Radio’ is now called “podcasts”). Several factors impelled the addition of this material to my frequent listening, the primary one being the material changes to my conditions of existence on this vale of tears some few years back. Naturally, these tracks have added substantially to the Average Track Length of my songs heard, as most shows are at least a half hour in length, with some exceptional cases lasting over two-and-a-half hours.‡ Although a very small number of radio shows were heard in earlier years, this category of audio file entered heavy rotation at the end of August in 2015, and has been a consistent part of my iTunes diet since that time.

One other change in — not my listening, but — my ripping habits has been to convert songs into higher bitrate mp3 files. I’ve done this because of the larger hard disks available, as well as the supposed benefits which accrue from the bigger files. I have to confess, however, that my hearing is possibly too poor to notice the difference, though even I can hear the ‘tin can’ effect of a few files I’ve grabbed which were ripped at 32 or even 16 (horrors!) kbps. I generally use 320 kbps, and I do continue to rip as mp3, primarily for ease of portability and future-proofing (to the extent that that is possible).

Lastly, I see that though the aggregate numbers show a remarkable consistency (indeed, the overall value for songs per day matches almost preternaturally well with the same datapoint for the past two tranches of 10K songs), my listening shows long lulls as well as frantic listening. The difference between listening to eight songs a day versus over fifty-five a day, particularly over such a long stretch as 10,000 songs, is quite substantial. A quick back-of-the-envelope (have you considered getting your statements online?) calculation reveals that the last figure, for the 81st-90th thousand songs, multiplied by the average song length during that period of four and a third minutes, means I was listening to four hours of iTunes each and every day. Perhaps not that remarkable to some, but it impresses me, though with what I am still unclear.

Listening Rates

Obviously not only the underlying material but also the environmental factors have changed over this 4/5ths of a score of years. That is, at times I had little ability to listen to my own music in the car, or I was just not driving that much, while at other times I did nothing but listen to my tunes. Or, I listened to iTunes at work, or at times the work was so intricate and involved that music would have been only a distraction. These and many other factors lie behind the differing song rates shown in the table above.

Looking more closely at the data by slicing not at the 10k but at each 1,000 songs presents a more nuanced picture. We see a long stretch where my listening dropped to almost single digits per day. Before and after that lengthy period of time (which lasted from approximately April 2006 through January 2013) the listening rate jumps up and down higgledy piggledy. So says the following chart:


 

Or, we can look at the inverse of this chart, and view how many days were required to reach each set of 1,000 songs:

(click on either chart for more detail)

 

Popular Artists Over Time

As mentioned in the discussion of popular artists, the popularity of the various artists changed over the over sixteen year span covered by this data. Though so many disparate artists were heard that any attempt to catalogue the ‘top’ artists seems futile, yet I shall assay that futility, and here below present the Top 25 Artists heard during each tranche of 10,000 songs. I use the same methodology as the Popular Artists in the previous section of general overview, with all the caveats, problems, and sighs inherent to same. For comparison’s sake, the data is presented in a scrollable table so that you can view how the top artists changed over time.

Most Popular Artists by Number of Songs Played per each 10K Songs

(scroll to right to view)

10k Songs Played 20k Songs Played 30k Songs Played 40k Songs Played 50k Songs Played 60k Songs Played 70k Songs Played 80k Songs Played 90k Songs Played 100k Songs Played 110k Songs Played
Rank Artist #Songs Rank Artist #Songs Rank Artist #Songs Rank Artist #Songs Rank Artist #Songs Rank Artist #Songs Rank Artist #Songs Rank Artist #Songs Rank Artist #Songs Rank Artist #Songs Rank Artist #Songs
1 Johnny Cash 184 1 Johnny Cash 111 1 Bob Dylan 491 1 Bob Dylan 416 1 The Beatles 201 1 Wanda Jackson 519 1 Bob Dylan 564 1 Jerry Garcia 259 1 Bob Dylan 303 1 Bob Dylan 397 1 CBS Radio Mystery Theater 995
2 Johann Sebastian Bach 170 2 {unknown} 96 2 Yes 110 2 {unknown} 337 2 Bob Dylan 162 2 Bob Dylan 336 2 The Grateful Dead 282 2 Bob Dylan 227 2 {unknown} 191 2 Lux Radio Theatre 325 2 Lux Radio Theatre 345
3 Bob Dylan 122 3 Bob Dylan 90 3 The Grateful Dead 77 3 Sound Effects 81 3 Emmylou Harris 138 3 The Beatles 214 3 Wanda Jackson 219 3 The Beatles 190 3 The Grateful Dead 134 3 The Byrds 140 3 Bob Dylan 331
4 The Beatles 92 4 Johann Sebastian Bach 68 4 KKFS 74 4 The Simpsons 61 4 {unknown} 137 4 {unknown} 122 4 {unknown} 104 4 {unknown} 100 4 Johann Sebastian Bach 126 4 Johann Sebastian Bach 139 4 William Conrad 251
5 The Carter Family 92 5 Duke Ellington 64 5 Johnny Cash 71 5 Johann Sebastian Bach 58 5 Billie Holiday 96 5 De La Soul 112 5 Leonard Cohen 99 5 The Grateful Dead 86 5 Roger McGuinn 93 5 Jack Webb 134 5 Suspense 225
6 Jimi Hendrix 85 6 Martin Luther King, Jr. 63 6 {unknown} 69 6 Yo La Tengo 47 6 (tie) The Grateful Dead 67 6 The Grateful Dead 108 6 (tie) The Beatles 98 6 The Beach Boys 84 6 Jerry Garcia 74 6 The Grateful Dead 116 6 The Green Hornet 161
7 {unknown} 81 7 Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart 60 7 (tie) Neil Young 59 7 The White Stripes 45 6 (tie) The Rolling Stones 67 7 Ella Fitzgerald 92 6 (tie) The Everly Brothers 98 7 The Bevis Frond 73 7 Elmore James 67 7 Sears Radio Theater 115 7 Theater Five 150
8 X 77 8 P.D.Q. Bach 53 7 (tie) The Rolling Stones 59 8 Neil Young 44 8 Johann Sebastian Bach 58 8 Neil Young 90 8 Eric Clapton 94 8 Townes Van Zandt 68 8 John Lennon 60 8 {unknown} 109 8 Earle Graser 137
9 Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart 75 9 Hüsker Dü 52 9 The Ramones 56 9 David Bowie 41 9 Iron & Wine 53 9 Lloyd Cole 68 9 Lloyd Cole 90 9 Schmetterlinge 62 9 The Adventures of Superman 59 9 Theater Five 103 9 Electric Light Orchestra 134
10 The Who 69 10 James Brown 51 10 The Simpsons 54 10 Richard Wagner 40 10 Tom Waits 50 10 Jethro Tull 65 10 Pete Seeger 84 10 (tie) David Bowie 59 10 The Clash 58 10 NBC University Theater 93 10 The Whistler 129
11 Tom Jones 68 11 The Grateful Dead 49 11 Elvis Costello 52 11 (tie) Johnny Cash 39 11 (tie) Radiohead 49 11 Green Day 60 11 Frank Zappa 83 10 (tie) The Ramones 59 11 Radiohead 57 11 Bruce Springsteen 92 11 Cliff Edwards 99
12 Bongwater 66 12 Enrico Caruso 46 12 The Misfits 46 11 (tie) Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart 39 11 (tie) Stevie Wonder 49 12 Elvis Costello 52 12 The Clash 76 12 Friedrich Hollaender 47 12 The Beatles 54 12 The Green Hornet 77 12 {unknown} 89
13 Richard Wagner 64 13 (tie) The Rolling Stones 44 13 The Bevis Frond 45 13 (tie) Duke Ellington 38 13 Funkadelic 44 13 Johann Sebastian Bach 49 13 Small Faces 74 13 (tie) Pink Floyd 44 13 The Rolling Stones 53 13 Church of the SubGenius 74 13 Fred Waring’s Pennsylvanians 69
14 Neil Young 63 13 (tie) The Velvet Underground 44 14 Soft Cell 43 13 (tie) Franklin Delano Roosevelt 38 14 Hot Tuna 41 14 Joni Mitchell 48 14 Allen Brothers 68 13 (tie) The Rolling Stones 44 14 Willie Nelson 49 14 Jerry Garcia 73 14 The Weird Circle 68
15 Willie Nelson 57 15 John Coltrane 43 15 (tie) Pop Will Eat Itself 42 15 KKFS 37 15 Barenaked Ladies 40 15 Lonnie Donegan 40 15 The Rolling Stones 60 15 (tie) Kurt Weill 42 15 Graham Parker 43 15 Eugene Ormandy 62 15 John Stanley 65
16 (tie) Howlin’ Wolf 55 16 Me First And The Gimme Gimmes 42 15 (tie) The Moody Blues 42 16 The Rolling Stones 35 16 Pavement 38 16 (tie) Jimi Hendrix 38 16 Led Zeppelin 59 15 (tie) Neil Young 42 16 Ludwig van Beethoven 42 16 Special Ed 61 16 Bret Morrison 64
16 (tie) Juan Garcia Esquivel 55 17 (tie) Charlie Parker 41 17 (tie) Brian Eno 41 17 The Ramones 33 17 Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart 37 16 (tie) Primus 38 17 Green Day 58 17 (tie) Bruce Springsteen 37 17 (tie) Lou Reed 41 17 CBS Radio Mystery Theater 54 17 John Dehner 58
18 (tie) Captain Beefheart 54 17 (tie) Sonic Youth 41 17 (tie) Duke Ellington 41 18 Wilco 32 18 The Police 36 18 (tie) Nick Cave 34 18 Bee Gees 55 17 (tie) D.R.I. 37 17 (tie) Pentagram 41 18 Bob Bailey 52 18 Bill Johnstone 57
18 (tie) Drivin’ N’ Cryin’ 54 17 (tie) Tom Jones 41 19 Johann Sebastian Bach 41 19 (tie) Ludwig van Beethoven 29 19 (tie) Belle & Sebastian 35 18 (tie) The Rolling Stones 34 19 Big Audio Dynamite 51 19 The Easybeats 35 19 (tie) R.E.M. 39 19 Suspense 49 19 (tie) Bob Bailey 53
20 Gustav Mahler 51 20 Frank Sinatra 40 20 Jethro Tull 40 19 (tie) The Grateful Dead 29 19 (tie) Count Basie 35 20 (tie) Judy Collins 33 20 (tie) Odetta 48 20 The Clash 34 19 (tie) Vera Ward Hall 39 20 (tie) Beth Custer 47 19 (tie) Neil Young 53
21 (tie) Elvis Presley 49 21 (tie) The Beatles 39 21 (tie) Peterson Field Guides 34 21 (tie) The Who 28 19 (tie) Frank Sinatra 35 20 (tie) Wilco 33 20 (tie) U2 48 21 (tie) The Circle Jerks 33 21 Leatherface 37 20 (tie) John Dehner 47 21 (tie) Jack Webb 49
21 (tie) P.D.Q. Bach 49 21 (tie) They Might Be Giants 39 21 (tie) Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart 34 21 (tie) Winston Churchill 28 22 R.E.M. 34 22 Original Broadway Cast 32 22 (tie) Jerry Garcia 47 21 (tie) Tom T. Hall 33 21 Townes Van Zandt 36 22 Work Of Saws 44 21 (tie) The Beatles 49
23 (tie) Comedian Harmonists 48 23 (tie) Belle & Sebastian 38 23 (tie) Frank Sinatra 33 23 CBS 27 23 (tie) Subhumans 33 23 (tie) Carole King 30 22 (tie) Pink Floyd 47 23 (tie) Davie Allan & The Arrows 32 23 Elton and Betty White 35 23 Earle Graser 43 23 (tie) Betty Hutton 46
23 (tie) They Might Be Giants 48 23 (tie) Vera Lynn 38 23 (tie) John Cale 33 24 (tie) The Doors 26 23 (tie) The Beach Boys 33 23 (tie) Guided By Voices 30 22 (tie) The Bevis Frond 47 23 (tie) Depeche Mode 32 24 Neil Young 34 24 Neil Young 42 23 (tie) Walk Softly, Peter Troy 46
25 (tie) The Grateful Dead 47 25 (tie) Count Basie 37 23 (tie) The Clash 33 24 (tie) They Might Be Giants 26 25 Gang Of Four 32 23 (tie) The White Stripes 30 25 Lou Reed 42 23 (tie) The Kinks 32 25 (tie) Drive-By Truckers 32 25 Space Patrol 41 25 (tie) Ludwig van Beethoven 45
25 (tie) The Rolling Stones 47 25 (tie) Jimi Hendrix 37 24 (tie) U2 26 25 (tie) Gene 32 25 (tie) Mr District Attorney 45

Unsurprisingly, Bob Dylan features prominently in all eleven (11) slices of these 110,000 songs, never falling any lower than the 3rd position. The last two myriads show the rise of Radio Show in my listening diet. There may also be evidence of increased data capture, as the ‘{unknown}’ artist entry falls below 10th place for the first time in the most recent set of 10,000 songs heard. Looking closely at each tranche reveals my interests over time; for example, the set ending with 40k songs heard includes FDR, Winston Churchill, and CBS among the Top 25, indicating this was when I was listening to old news broadcasts from World War II (‘CBS’ here refers to the progenitor of the World News Today program).There are a few other surprises and oddities in the data — 112 De La Soul tracks!?! — but I’ll leave most of those as an exercise for the reader.

Sample Tracks Over Time

Flying over sixteen years of data means that no meaningful detail can really be seen at the most granular level, so permit me to provide that meaningless detail. Without (much) further ado, I present 0.1% of all the songs heard in this set of 110,000 tracks, randomly chosen by grabbing the 1000th, 2000th, etc.

Each 1000th Song Heard
# Track Artist Album Genre Last Heard
1,000 “I’m Stick In A Pagoda (With Tricia Toyota)” The Dickies Still Got Live, Even If You Don’t Want It Rock 4/19/03
2,000 “Think Again” Minor Threat Complete Discography Alternative & Punk 8/13/03
3,000 “City Of New Orleans” Willie Nelson Revolutions in Time…the journey 1975-1993 Country 2/2/04
4,000 “Funny How Time Slips Away” Tom Jones 26 Country Hits Easy Listening 5/16/04
5,000 “I Can’t Get Started” Charles Mingus Mingus Three Jazz 7/11/04
6,000 Brandenburg Concerto No. 3 in G Major, BWV 1048, I. Allegro The Swingle Singers Bach Hits Back & A Cappella Amadeus Classical 12/8/04
7,000 “7 AM” Dirty Vegas Dirty Vegas Electronica/Dance 1/13/05
8,000 “She’s Too Much” Johnny Littlejohn Chess Blues Guitar, Two Decades of Killer Fretwork 1949-1969 Blues 1/31/05
9,000 “Pink Champagne” Joe Liggins Specialty Sampler Blues 3/2/05
10,000 “Luck Be a Lady Tonight” Frank Sinatra Vocal 3/28/05
11,000 “Grandma” Mari Boine Radiant Warmth Folk 4/10/05
12,000 “Hold On I’m Comin'” Voltage GS I Love You : Japanese Garage Bands Of The 1960s Rock 4/24/05
13,000 “Blue Lines” Massive Attack Blue Lines Electronica/Dance 5/19/05
14,000 “Maggie May” A.L. Lloyd English Drinking Songs Folk 6/30/05
15,000 “People of the Sun” Rage Against The Machine Evil Empire Metal 7/29/05
16,000 “Tina” Camper Van Beethoven 2003-02-28 – Santa Cruz, CA, The Catalyst Alternative 8/17/05
17,000 “Swan” Andersens Songs For Nao: Fourteen Bands From Japan World 9/13/05
18,000 “Scatterbrain (As Dead As Leaves)” Radiohead Hail To The Thief Alternative & Punk 10/2/05
19,000 “Why Theory” Gang Of Four 100 Flowers Bloom Alternative & Punk 10/21/05
20,000 “Ecce Gratum” Carl Orff Carmina Burana Classical 12/5/05
21,000 “Making People Normal” bis Social Dancing Rock 1/11/06
22,000 “Death Is A Star” The Clash Rat Patrol from Fort Bragg Rock 1/23/06
23,000 “A Lot Of Living To Do” Johnny Adams There Is Always One More Time Blues 2/2/06
24,000 “To Forgive Is To Suffer” Death The Sound of Perseverance Metal 2/17/06
25,000 “Hell Yeah” Beck Bootleg Rock 2/26/06
26,000 “Last Match” The Aislers Set The Last Match Alternative & Punk 3/8/06
27,000 “Jack Goes to School” Denis Leary Merry Fuckin’ Christmas Comedy 3/20/06
28,000 “Chromatic” Mouse On Mars Deutscher Funk Rock 4/6/06
29,000 “Wild Horses” (Live Stripped Version) The Rolling Stones Rarities 1971-2003 Rock 7/14/06
30,000 “Throwaway Style” The Exploding Hearts Guitar Romantic Rock 2/24/07
31,000 “Higher And Higher” The Moody Blues To Our Children’s Children’s Children Rock 5/28/07
32,000 “Pedro Navaja” Rubén Blades & Willie Colon 20th Anniversary Of The NY Salsa Festival: 1975-1995 Latin 9/20/07
33,000 “Scissors & Glue” Conceit Wasted Talent Hip Hop/Rap 3/3/08
34,000 “If I Could Be Anything” Casper The Friendly Ghost Musical Adventure In Make-Believe Children’s 6/20/08
35,000 “Love You To Death” 400 Blows Angel’s Trumpets And Devil’s Trombones Punk 10/2/08
36,000 “The Sound Of Life Today” Super Furry Animals Guerrilla Alternative & Punk 1/13/09
37,000 “Mas Fuerte” CuCu Diamantes Mas Fuerte – Canción de la Semana Pop 4/25/09
38,000 “Do You Have A Strategy” Unihabitable Mansions Live on WFMU Sept 2008 Rock 11/20/09
39,000 “What We All Want” Gang Of Four Return The Gift Alternative & Punk 5/17/10
40,000 “Unburden Unbound” Gang Of Four 100 Flowers Bloom Alternative & Punk 8/25/10
41,000 “Blitzkrieg Bop” The Ramones No Thanks! The ’70s Punk Rebellion Punk 12/26/10
42,000 “Aaron & Maria” The American Analog Set Know by Heart Indie 6/19/11
43,000 “Shitty City” Gluecifer Respect The Rock America Rock 12/8/11
44,000 “Move Along” The All-American Rejects Move Along Alternative 4/3/12
45,000 “Everything Is Broken” (Alternate Mix) Bob Dylan Exclusive Rock 7/26/12
46,000 “Watch What Happens” Count Basie On The Road Jazz 11/11/12
47,000 “Rain Dance” Andy Andrews Timeless Wisdom From The Traveler Spoken Word 1/22/13
48,000 “The Last Time” The Rolling Stones London Singles Rock 2/21/13
49,000 “Like Sonny” John Coltrane Coltrane Jazz Jazz 3/26/13
50,000 “When I Fall” Barenaked Ladies Born On A Pirate Ship Alternative & Punk 4/13/13
51,000 “Beer:30” Reverend Horton Heat The Full-Custom Gospel Sounds of The Reverend Horton Heat Rock 4/30/13
52,000 “Oh, Lady Be Good” Ella Fitzgerald Ella: The Legendary Decca Recordings Jazz 5/28/13
53,000 “Hanging On Too Long” The Sinceros The Sound Of Sunbathing Pop 7/1/13
54,000 “Strange New Cottage in Berkeley” Allen Ginsberg Howl and Other Poems Spoken Word 9/15/13
55,000 “That Great Day” T.C.I. Women’s Four Goodbye, Babylon Gospel & Religious 1/6/14
56,000 “Burst” Magazine Definitive Daze Punk 2/18/14
57,000 “Just The Motion” Richard & Linda Thompson Complete Radio Sessions 1980-1981 Pop 3/5/14
58,000 “Baby” (Stephen Street mix) Lloyd Cole Cleaning Out The Ashtrays Pop 3/23/14
59,000 “Row Jimmy” The Grateful Dead Dick’s Picks Volume 7 Rock 4/3/14
60,000 “Lovesick Blues” Wanda Jackson Sundsvall (Live In Sweden) Country 4/18/14
61,000 “I’ll Never Forget To Remember” Watt Wilfong Songwriter Demos Other 5/5/14
62,000 “Konna Kaze ni Sugite iku no Nara” Asakawa Maki Darkness IV World 5/22/14
63,000 “Ship of Fools” The Grateful Dead 1982-12-31 – Oakland, CA, Oakland Auditorium Rock 6/5/14
64,000 “Gates Of Urizen” Bruce Dickinson The Chemical Wedding Metal 6/18/14
65,000 “Don’t Ask My Name” Korean People’s Army Beautiful Music of North Korea World 7/2/14
66,000 “Walk Slow” Little Willie John Little Willie John: All 15 of His Chart Hits from 1953-1962 Blues 7/17/14
67,000 “Broken Hearted, Ragged & Dirty Too” Sleepy John Estes The Early Blues Roots of Bob Dylan Blues 8/2/14
68,000 “I Like PIe, I Like Cake” The Four Clefs Those Dirty Blues, Vol. 3 Blues 9/6/14
69,000 “Drum Solo” Frank Zappa The Mystery Box Rock 10/1/14
70,000 “clouds” Fat Hed The Jump Room Hip Hop/Rap 10/23/14
71,000 “Rip Van Winkle” The Nutmegs Herald 574 Vocal 11/11/14
72,000 “Nebul” Matthias Koeppel Alles Lalula 2: Songs & Poeme von der Beat-Generation bis heute Spoken Word 12/10/14
73,000 “First Shall Be Last And The Last Shall Be First” Peetie Wheatstraw Decca 7167 Blues 1/27/15
74,000 “Apple Suckling Tree” (Take 2) Bob Dylan & The Band The Basement Tapes Complete: The Bootleg Series, Vol. 11 Rock 3/12/15
75,000 attencion 3 finals irdial The Conet Project The Conet Project Other 5/23/15
76,000 “They Love Each Other” Jerry Garcia Band 1977-08-07 – Berkeley, CA, The Keystone [SBD] Rock 7/8/15
77,000 “The Six Wives of Henry VIII” Buena Vista High Symphonic & Show Band Buena Vista High Symphonic and Show Band (Sierra Vista, AZ) Rock 7/20/15
78,000 “Give Peace A Chance” Plastic Ono Band Live Peace in Toronto 1969 Rock 8/3/15
79,000 “DOOM DADA” T.O.P DOOM DADA – Single Hip Hop/Rap 8/17/15
80,000 “Sit and Wonder” Prince Buster 200% Dynamite! Reggae 9/22/15
81,000 “Gimme Danger” Iggy & The Stooges Raw Power Alternative & Punk 10/12/15
82,000 “Freiheitskämpfer” Floh De Cologne 1974 Mumien Rock 11/3/15
83,000 “Medley” Foster Brooks Foster Brooks “Sings” Novelty 11/23/15
84,000 “Fucked” Partly Cloudy Analog CyberPunk Third Series X Analog CyberPunk 12/8/15
85,000 “They’ve Got Me In The Bottle” Brian Brain Analog CyberPunk Addendum IX Analog CyberPunk 12/20/15
86,000 “Breath” Pierre Henry Le Voyage Tibetan Book Of The Dead Avant-Garde 1/8/16
87,000 “Submarine Bells” The Chills 1990-06-09 – Melbourne, Australia, The Club Rock 1/23/16
88,000 “François Villon” Boulat Okoudjava Le Soldat en papier World 2/6/16
89,000 “Lomir Sich Iberbeten” Martha Schlamme The Yiddish Dream Folk 2/23/16
90,000 “Show Biz Kids” Steely Dan Live At The Rainbow May 20, 1974 Rock 3/20/16
91,000 “Eviction” London PX Orders EP Punk 4/23/16
92,000 “Doll” Moaning Lisa Wonderful Rock 6/12/16
93,000 “Color Him Father” Linda Martell Plantation Gold Country 6/28/16
94,000 “The Cheating Line” Paul Martin Plantation Gold Country 7/28/16
95,000 “This Little Girl of Mine” Ray Charles Ray Charles R&B 10/22/16
96,000 01 Xmas 2005 edit Special Ed Xmas 2005 Holiday 1/6/17
97,000 “Sadats (Saints of Marrakesh)” Cheb I Sabbah La Kahena World 3/28/17
98,000 “(I’m Going To Sit Right Down and) Write Myself A Letter” Johnny Mercer Capitol 141 Pop 6/24/17
99,000 “Sinyaro” Brikama Jali Kunda – Griots of West Africa and Beyond World 9/3/17
100,000 “The Nemesis” (1/10/43) The Whistler The Whistler Radio Show 10/18/17
101,000 “Stay A Little Longer, Santa” Shemekia Copeland The Perfect Christmas Holiday 12/25/17
102,000 “Went to See the Gypsy” (Demo Version) Bob Dylan Single Rock 2/21/18
103,000 “To The Future” (5/27/50) Ray Bradbury Dimension X Radio Show 4/18/18
104,000 “Doo Wacka Doo” Tony Randall Vo Vo De Oh Doe 365 Days Project 6/10/18
105,000 “That’s Alright Mama” Bob Dylan The Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan Outtakes Folk 8/7/18
106,000 “Idiot Prayer” Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds The Boatman’s Call Indie 9/26/18
107,000 “Hickory, Dickory, Doom” (2/26/79) CBS Radio Mystery Theater CBS Radio Mystery Theater Radio Show 11/9/18
108,000 “Down where the Swanee River flows” George Wilton Ballard Edison Blue Amberol 2969 Pop 1/23/19
109,000 7. Recitative: “Behold, A Virgin Shall Conceive” George Frederic Handel Handel: Messiah Classical 3/6/19
110,000 “Fly Me to the Moon” B. Howard Customusic AC “Sampler” Pop 4/17/19

Concluding Remarks

§ (see footnotes)

Given the fact that the underlying data analysis terms have changed (see my earlier post on this subject), I am presenting this information more as a baseline for future reports rather than as continuing commentary on my listening habits. Of course, the underlying dataset presents all manner of wonders for the enthralled searcher, but I confess that I am looking forward at this point to just shoving this turkey out the door and getting back to listening to iTunes. (I cannot listen to audio while typing anymore, another resentment I have against my teenaged self.) The plethora of data I have is, as I have said before, pointless — doubly so because I am not selling anything based upon it, which seems to be all data may be used for in our New New World.

I wish all of you well, and will report back when I have listened to another 1,000 tracks (I am about halfway there since I began compiling this information on April 17th [UPDATE:Now less than 50 tracks away as I finally hit the ‘Publish’ button]). I am primarily going to use the information I have to clean up some of the cruddier parts of my data, which is harmless enough I suppose, though pointless. For now I look forward to closing out the stupidly large files I’ve been messing with to gather this information for your perusal.

Good Day

Technical Notes

All data generated using Excel for Mac 2011, based on iTunes library and playlist export text files. For certain calculations I used the i41CX+ app for the iPhone as well as a Pickett N803-ES Log Log Speed Rule Dual Base slide rule. All audio files managed through iTunes, now on version 12.8.2.3, with additional file manipulation with Audacity as well as brute force tweaking of filetypes to generate ring tones, etc. The iTunes Library is maintained on an external hard drive, with two other hard drives for backup using rsync. Most (though not all) files are also kept separately in physical formats that will likely become obsolete along with so much else.

Caveats

Song Ratings

Some problems exist in the data available to me, as some glitch between my iPhone (used to listen to most tracks) and iTunes causes intermittent ratings to be applied to whole albums, which I never do. Those ratings get translated as individual song ratings for songs which have no explicit rating, and it is not possible to distinguish between the two (explicit vs. induced) in the data export file I used for this analysis. It is an annoying problem, and one could add it to the heap of complaints that people seem to have about iTunes as a piece of software. I say, in contrast, however, that I know of no other program that could give me data about what I had listened to for the past 15 years, unless I wrote it myself, which I am not capable of doing. Of course, it may be objected that who would want to do so? I can only submit myself as the proof of the rule you would seek to impose.

I should also point out that I do not use 1-star ratings for anything save as a placeholder for possibly corrupt files. This is because I use the actual description associated with the star ratings in iTunes, and 1 star supposedly means in this system that “I hate it” — and I have not hated any track I have listened to. I have come close (looking at you, U-God), but thus far I have found that “I don’t like it” expresses my feelings well enough. Thus the ratings curve is skewed, but isn’t that true of all modern grade curves?

Play Counts

The highest play counts are somewhat suspect, as these are almost all songs which were tracked during a period in which my iTunes was being shared for my daughter’s iPod usage as well as my own. Thus certain Green Day and My Chemical Romance tracks (which I love) have plays which I cannot swear are all mine. And the most played track is Florence + the Machine’s “Howl”, which I can aver has not been heard by me 157 times, though that is what the data says. Perhaps the only track having more than 70 plays for which I can claim all those plays is the iTunes special version of John Cage’s 4’33” (I do not quote the song title for clarity), which I have heard 75 times — whatever that statement means.

Early Dates

The ability to track information about large datasets always comes with a cost. In general this cost is to be seen in the sheer difficulty of maintaining internally consistent datapoints across the entire set, a difficulty which can only grow as the number of entities tracked becomes greater. While the overall makeup, trends, and detail of the aggregate information will only become more precise as the number of points becomes larger, there will always be database inconsistencies which threaten to hobble complete understanding of the full dataset. This is due to three primary factors: mistaken, incomplete, or corrupt information in the original data capture; inconsistent data entry, especially with multiple sources; and changes to noted data points, schema, or methodology over time. There will always be certain outliers in any sufficiently large set of data that have missing, incorrect, or otherwise inconsistent information stored for particular datapoints. These outliers will surface to plague analysis once a ‘deep dive’ into the data is begun, and how these are handled determines much of what is possible in a complete analysis. Bottom line: You can never know everything in your data universe, unless the number of points in your data is so small as to be worthless for statistical purposes.

With that ridiculously overstated preface, I note that the set of 110,000 songs heard has a small number of songs which are missing one vital statistic: Date Played. The set was generated by looking for a value for ‘Number of Plays’ greater than one, and for 127 tracks the database contains no data for the ‘Date Last Played’ datapoint. Since this last bit of information is used to generate the view of when I listened to these files over time, we have a small (just over 0.115%) set of files for which I can’t tell you when I heard them, although iTunes assures me that I did. A very small number of these files simply do not exist anymore, lost in the great 20GB hard drive crash back in the earliest days of my iPod usage. (I’ll always miss you, variants of Blondie’s “Rapture” from that long lost EP.) It appears from a cursory examination of the two other datetime datapoints (‘Last Modified’ and ‘Date Added’) that none of these files was messed with or was created before the earliest date seen for plays: January 13, 2003. Thus I use this date for the earliest information given in the time sequence analysis. However, petulant perfectionists should note that there may be something wrong with the earliest dates given for song plays, as most of the 127 items missing this factoid seem to be from the beginnings of time — at least as concerns my iTunes tracking.

Also note that I don’t have any information about song usage — or even existence — before the cataclysmic hard drive failure mentioned above, where I lost the entirety (at that time) of my iTunes collection when my 20GB external hard disk failed utterly. Since that tragedy I have, of course, instituted a rigorous backup program, and since that time, also of course, no such failure has recurred.

I also note that the inconsistency between the datapoints ‘Number of Plays’ and ‘Date Last Played’ means that a different view of my data could give a different value for the total number of files heard, as should be obvious. What is not as obvious is that this particular inconsistency seems to to preponderate over the opposite; that is, the number of entries in the database which have a ‘Date Last Played’ value but no value for the ‘Number of Plays’ field is minuscule, with only eight (8) instances found. It seems likely that the original issue is or was caused by problematic data capture between iPods and iTunes through the various OSes and app versions used. Emerson!

Data Scrubbing

Besides the issues with date datapoints mentioned above, many other inconsistencies and outright errors exist in the full dataset. One of the main issues noted immediately at the beginning of my analysis was genre information, which was often either missing or so specific as to be useless. (It is not clear, for example, how useful such putative ‘genres’ as “Dylanesque”, “Meditative”, or “The Camera As Pen” actually are.) Though I have attempted to modify this and other entries in the underlying data, it soon became clear that to wait until all 110,000 song files had been completely reviewed and updated with so-called ‘correct’ information would both be pointless (see note about inherent inconsistency above) and take such a long time as to obviate any information I might care to impart about this ‘milestone’, as I could keep massaging the data long past the point where I have heard 120, 130, or even 150,000 tracks. I have decided to call a halt to the massive effort to impose some order upon all my iTunes files, though I have greatly modified the genre information, and hope to continue to do so in the future.

Thus whereas I originally had over 98 entries which were assigned a Genre for which they were the single example, I now only have 89 Genres all told in the set of music already played. I still have three categories containing only a single exemplar, but feel those Genres are reflective of my own musical taste and hope to add other songs to them as I continue my ad hoc data scrubbing. Thus I cannot promise that the underlying data will not be changed in the backend before the next full-scale analysis; I can only promise that I will attempt to play fair with you and let you know just how I’ve munged the information I have.

Footnotes

* The term “listenable” refers only to the type of file, and does not imply that the sounds contained therein are worthy of being heard.
† Taking “myriad” to mean “ten thousand”, as its original Greek root word does in most cases.
‡ The longest radio show tracks are actually composites of separate daily shows concatenated into single files for ease of listening. Thus, for example, the heyday of the great radio show Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar consisted of daily 15-minute shows which (generally) told a single story over the course of a single week. I took the individual shows and generated a single mp3 file of the complete story arc. (This led to certain needed tweaks to such parameters as Track Number etc., which you almost certainly don’t care about, assuming you’ve even read this far to find these words in this throw-away section of this meaningless report.)
§ If you see an connection between this self-indulgent data analysis and the known association of this Cyndi Lauper tune with masturbation, you are much more clever than I.

Friday Vocabulary

1. resomation — disposal of dead bodies through alkaline hydrolysis, using lye and heat

Resomation is being touted as an ecologically friendly alternative to cremation, but in the United States the process is legal only in sixteen states.

 

2. shambles — slaughterhouse; scene of carnage

“It smells like a shambles,” said Joseph as we descended further into the fetid tunnel through the thickly rooted earth.

 

3. stridor — (pathology) harsh respiratory noise indicative of obstruction in breathing passages

My worse fears were realized when I heard the distinctive creaking stridor as Larry tried to talk, and I knew he had not swallowed the bug after all.

 

4. hough — hollow behind the knee joint (in man), joint in rear leg above fetlock (in horses, cows, etc.)

Don’t get in a huff
though you may receive a shock
when you feel blows rough
hitting on your
hough.

 

5. sedevacantist — believer in idea that the Holy See has been vacant since death of Pope Pius XII, due to mainstream Catholic embrace of modernist ideas, epitomized by the Second Vatican Council

You can’t please everybody, and even the sedevacantists cannot agree on a replacement pope.

 

6. stolid — dull and impassive, unexcitable

Everyone thought him a boring and stolid fellow, though his few close friends knew this was only true as long as one avoided the subject of endangered weasels.

 

7. dysphagia — difficulty of swallowing

The time traveler from the 1950s suffered from political dysphagia and so was unable to endure any news programs on television.

 

8. vatic — prophetical

Many still give credence to the vatic quatrains of Nostradamus.

 

9. costard — large apple

Modern tastes tend towards apples smaller than the old English costard, which was so large it became slang for the head.

 

10. whither — to where? to what place?; to what end?

Teleology is the study of whither we go, though we moderns tend to ask ‘whether’ instead.

Friday Vocabulary

1. dogsbody — drudge, person given menial work

Once I lowered my expectations from Senior Vice President to dogsbody I finally found a job opportunity.

  2. pyogenic — pus-producing

As if an antibiotic-resistant staph infection was not enough of a worry, now we learned that Larry was also in the throes of pyogenic meningitis.

  3. bumbailiff — low-rank bailiff

He held the job of bumbailiff as a sinecure and was quite surprised Harry expected him to serve the writ.

  4. elenchus — Socratic method of argument by cross-examination; refutation of syllogism by another syllogism

Epicurus famously turned the Eleatic elenchus on its head, arguing from the proofs of ever-present motion that a void was a necessary complement, thus positing null space as a requirement for his atoms to move through.

  5. ween — to think, believe, conjecture

The wounds are much too large for even a large wolf, as I ween, but seem to indicate some monstrous beast is at work.

  6. hale — to draw, pull

If he will not do the honorable thing I shall demand the sheriff hale him to the Justice of the Peace to make an honest woman of my daughter.

  7. blear — dim from tears or inflammation

She seemed unshaken by the terrible news, as if one more travesty no longer had power to hurt her, and so she sat with her shoulders hunched and eyes blear from either hunger or past tears.

  8. nosocomial — acquired because of hospitalization

Disgustingly, the most common nosocomial infection in the United States is that of the urinary tract.

  9. sublunary — worldly, earthly, terrestrial

No longer will I bother with sublunary things, for I am now concerned only with heaven and the music of the spheres.

  10. obstupefy — to stupefy, esp. mentally

It was not the fact that the poodle talked in plain English that left me obstupefied, but my realization that the small dog was wearing a tiny NASCAR jacket featuring a Taco Bell logo.

Monday Book Report: Doomsday: The End of the World–A View Through Time

“I Read It So You Don’t Have To” Department

Doomsday: The End of the World–A View Through Time by Russell Chandler is a meandering, badly held together set of essays about human ideas and experiences with the end of all things. The book is strongest when it dives into modern Christian apocalyptic thought and history. It is weakest when it surveys all aspects of End of the World ideas in the human record, which unfortunately is what this book purports to do.

Until I reached Chapter 18 I fully intended to sell, donate, or otherwise dispose of this book in an appropriate manner. It is not a “bad” book per se, just rather bland and imprecise, as might be expected from a Christian author residing in Solvang, California. There are better books about the End of the World out there, and Russell Chandler quotes and cites many of those better books in his survey course on eschatology which he titles twice as Doomsday: The End of the World–A View Through Time. The inability to choose between “doomsday” or the “end of the world” is symptomatic of this inoffensive volume collecting tertiary research gleaned from the betters mentioned just above. The author proves unable to choose between insights into modern Christian views of Judgement Day (his strong suit), or an overview of Last Days fears, thoughts, and experiences.

I pulled this book from my shelves as part of my ongoing ‘read and release’ program, wherein I am winnowing my books by reading them and then letting go of those books I do not need. Chandler’s book seemed to be just such a volume as I plodded through the early disjoint chapters through which one could easily discern the outline the author had probably typed out in WordPerfect as he sat down to wrangle his disparate material into a single book. The first two-thirds of the book reads much like most grade school book reports: topic sentence, paragraph about topic sentence, and then this happened, and then this other thing. Done. Next topic. He purports to frame his book by referencing the Roman god Janus (he is careful to mention that Janus is a “mythological” Roman god, in case you were wondering), who, Chandler says, as “the patron of beginnings and endings, is a perfect symbol for this endeavor”, i.e., his book, “a hybrid book, a combination of history and futurology.” But the book is less hybrid and more a flawed combination of mismatched parts, oil and water in the hands of the workmanlike religion editor for the Los Angeles Times.

During the current era of the “big-bangers,” the idea of cyclic cosmology has attracted some stellar proponents.

I see what you did there…

The Janus frame is used to transition from reflections on historical catastrophes and doomsayers to contemplation of modern scientific disasters and ends which may come to pass, and then is left to go hang for pretty much the rest of the book. What truly irks me about this frame is not the fact that it is a jerry-rigged bailing wire structure used to tie together his not-quite-random chapters, but that Chandler misses or is ignorant of the most salient fact about the (mythological) Roman god Janus: In ancient Rome his temple’s doors were open during wartime and closed (quite infrequently) in times of peace.* This startling ignorance is matched by his uncritical view of most of the non-Biblical, non-Christian content he reviews in his book. Along the way he seems to reveal a more mercenary vision of truth than his Christian ideals might support.

That could take nearly forever, however—about 1033 years. That’s ten billion plus another twenty-three zeros.

No. No it’s not. That’s not right. Not right at all. What if anything does that last sentence even mean?

Mr. Chandler is credulous and also easily impressed by strong book sales. For example, though he is quite strident against the inanities and the superstitious nonsense of the New Age (Chandler even wrote a book about it, which he cites in his endnotes), the author fawns almost shamelessly over one of history’s all-time great conmen (present company excluded, of course): Nostradamus. An entire chapter is devoted to — ahem — spent on the Jeanne Dixon of Catherine de Medici’s reign. After reporting the most credulous accounts from true believers and popularizers seeking to sell books, Chandler gives a fair and balanced two paragraphs to the debunker James Randi, who tore apart the perhaps purposely abstruse quatrains of Nostradamus in a 199o book. The second paragraph, however, only points out that “bookstores couldn’t keep Nostradamus books in stock; Randi’s languished on the shelves.” Chandler then quotes an apologist for the vague and confusing language of Nostradamus, who then pleads for a core of accurate predictions that “no one has been able ‘to dismiss out of hand'” — this only three paragraphs (comprising five sentences) after Randi was quoted doing just that.

In essence, scoffs Randi, just say Nostradamus—a takeoff on the line urging youth to “just say no” to drugs.

Explaining jokes is my forte, too

The book is overly cited, though one cannot accuse it of hiding behind footnotes, since it hides all the notes themselves at the end like so many other publications fearing to turn off readers with the evidence of actual research. The works cited are — for the most part — tertiary studies of the doomsday thesis, which Chandler has collated into his book in hopes of cashing in on the fin de siècle interest of the time (the book was published in 1993). Those cited works are almost always better written, though you’ll have to hunt and peck to find them, as Chandler makes up for copious endnotes by failing to provide the reader with either a bibliography or an index. The endnotes themselves show how the author skimmed his own survey sourcebooks to craft his own, for turning to the endnotes often reveals that that telling quote from original sources is merely cribbed, excuse me, “quoted in”, another’s work. Chandler even feels the need to add an endnote citation for T.S. Eliot’s classic line “not with a bang but with a whimper”, perhaps meaning that the Los Angeles Times religion editor only stumbled upon the poetry in “21. Quoted in [Daniel] Cohen, Waiting for the Apocalypse, 183.”†

I’m reporting on only a few from my Apocalypzoid File here. I’m saving my extensive—and growing—collection of personal predictions from sign-hoisting apostles of future fright for another book I want to write someday. That is, if—or as long as—their predictions are wrong.

They were, but he didn’t

On the other hand, Russell Chandler was writing before the Internet made it easy to garner information from Wikipedia and thousands of other flower-like blooms of information now readily available at our finger tips at the mere cost of incessant advertising and the loss of byte-sized nibbles from our souls. On the other other hand, as a reasonably well-read Christian writing about religion news, one assumes that Chandler would own several editions of the Bible, making it surprising that his actual Bible citations reference a slumgullion stew of different versions, including the New American Standard Bible, the Revised Standard Version, and the New English Bible — though he prefaces his work with the boilerplate assertion that, unless otherwise indicated, Bible quotes in his book are from the New International Version. (Most quotes seem to be from the King James Version, for what it’s worth.)


He is at his best when writing about what he knows most about,‡ the history of and bases for modern Christian apocalyptic thought. In particular, Chandler’s chapter on John Nelson Darby and his eschatological heirs is one of a few that saved this book from my donation pile; the history of Dispensationalism is fascinating to me as a son of the Bible Belt. And in eight pages in his chapter on fundamentalist End of the World views, he very clearly lays out the so-called ‘thinking’ behind talk of the Rapture and the Tribulation, as well as the differences between various millenarian Christian sects. Anyone who is curious to uncover from just where those strange prophecies of a final battle in the Middle East arose will find the explication with accompanying list of relevant Bible verses to be invaluable.

These “signs” are more “perceived” than “believed,” more empirical than prophetical. We don’t have to read them back into the words of the biblical prophets to know that ours is a different era; these times cannot be confused with prior times.

But we must not retreat into escapism. It’s irresponsible to sit back, believing that doomsday is right around the corner, so come hell and high water: Let the bad times roll. We’ll all be rescued before the End really comes.

If you are confused, check your watch … or your iPhone
Straight Outta Solvang

I’m sure Mr. Chandler is a nice guy. He certainly comes across as one in his writing. He appeals for respect for one another amid strident calls for schism and divisiveness. His language is calm and well-mannered — or, to put it another way, bland. Thus it is a surprise when he describes the conservative preacher Tim LaHaye§ as “short of stature but long on invective”, and this reader found himself searching for the endnote that seems to accompany every other creative turn of phrase.

Year 2000 is drawing Christian mission groups like particles of steel to a megamagnet.

Like sands through the megahourglass, so are the days of our lives

Of course, we also have to remember that this book and author were a product of their times. The work is written in response to a demand caused by the (then) upcoming chronometrical rollover to 2000 A.D. It may be hard for us living on the gristle of the 21st Century to recall or realize just how much fascination still existed in human hearts for the promise and terror of the upcoming Millennium. The New Age was no longer quite new, being another one of those poorly parented children of the 70s, but was still turning its stoned attention weakly to the next bright shiny thing (something it was to continue doing after the year 2000 until the Mayan end of the world failed to materialize in 2012, instead gifting humanity with yet another mediocre John Cusack movie).

as God’s hand has gradually disappeared from the aimless handwriting of secular historians, the prophecy writers have leaped into the gap.

Most of the aimless handwriting now done on fancy word processors, natch

But Chandler’s ultimate failure is that he draws no conclusions from his material. He does conclude his book, having forgotten almost entirely his conceit about the Roman god Janus, with a personal statement of belief about the End of Days. His belief, however, like many other beliefs in our current age, seems entirely unaffected by the wide-ranging material he has just researched. He has taken a Cook’s tour of the end of time, dragging us along with him, but we end the trip with only a few snapshots and postcards, and very little learning. Look elsewhere if you wish to learn about topics such as the roots of apocalyptic thought (try Norman Cohn’s masterful Cosmos, Chaos and the World to Come or Paul D. Hanson’s The Dawn of Apocalyptic), or what happens in a social group on the day after doomsday (the classic study is When Prophecy Fails by Leon Festinger, et. al.), or just why humans seem innately drawn to predicting the future (even the old popular account Science, Prophecy and Prediction by Richard Lewinsohn is superior, which may be why Chandler cites it frequently).

Admittedly, it’s hard to discern the meaning of Bible prophecy. From the mainline and liberal perspective, that’s a built-in “given.” And that in itself may be a prime reason why eschatology receives little attention in most mainline circles.

Written when “liberal” was not a dirty word, and could be used publicly to describe (as here) Christian churches

All societies have had their seers, prophets, and prognosticators. We call ours pundits, pollsters, or economists. But to recognize this truism is to overlook the salient fact about prophecy, which is that prophecy (like apocalypse itself) is a literary construct — nothing more, nothing less. Only in literature can all the elements of prophecy be fulfilled. When a wise woman or a native shaman or a “magic black man” makes a prediction, it is only in literature that things can come to pass just as predicted. All other prediction seems to involve shoving round pegs into the square holes left by the past. If you recall that most prophecies were written after the events they predict, you will know a great secret.

The times we live in at this moment, though plagued by powerful gadflies who seek to create the Armageddon they (perhaps) fervently believe in, seem less inspired by Nebuchadnezzar’s magic four-layer statue and more by Genesis 11. Anyone who spends any amount of time reading social media or news not tailored specifically to his or her own political beliefs will recognize that our language has been confounded, and that we do not understand one another’s speech. One hopes that our Balkanization of speech will slow before it becomes entirely impossible to communicate, but only time will tell.

“now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do.

“Go to, let us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another’s speech.”

Genesis 11:6-7 [KJV]
(some may see the hand of Putin rather than the jealous Yahwist God)

* I know that the building in Rome is supposedly “not a temple” or “not a normal temple”. Whatever, Wikipedia.

† Even his first mention of the Daniel Cohen book is fraught with this problem, as the first citation of Waiting for the Apocalypse notes that the quote Chandler uses is “cited in” some random article from the now-defunct Omni magazine. Which is strange, as it seems clear that Chandler had the Cohen book when he was writing his own.

‡ Another insight from The Book of Duh.

§ Tim LaHaye is now best known as the co-author of the successful Left Behind series of during-the-Apocalypse Christian thrillers, featuring the action-packed adventures of the Tribulation Force. He only receives a single paragraph in Chandler’s book, as LaHaye was still a few years away from discovering his coauthor in the sprawling empire that the Left Behind series and spin-offs have become.

Friday Vocabulary

1. gnome — general maxim, aphorism, terse saying with a moral

Since, like Polonius in Hamlet, his speech seems to consist primarily of gnomes and clichés, I doubt he would be able to follow this play’s sustained allegory.

  2. shirtwaist — tailored blouse for women

The old-fashioned establishment did not allow Jane to dine in her dress, but insisted she wear a shirtwaist and skirt.

  3. calash — light carriage seating two or four persons. In Canada, a two-wheeled vehicle with a single seat for two, and space for the driver to sit on the splashboard.

“Never mind your carriage, sir, as my man stands ready with the calash just outside.”

  4. oliguria — scanty production of urine

While oliguria may be caused merely by insufficient fluid intake, it may also be a symptom of renal failure or other serious urinary tract issues.

  5. minster — church of a monastery; also gen. any large church

The crypt containing the abbot’s bones was directly beneath the chancel of the minster, but there was no entrance from within the church itself.

  6. burin — engraving tool for use on metal

Of course, many of the actual drawings of Pieter Brueghel are lost to us, but we still can enjoy them through the engravings made by the burins of such artists as the Dutch publisher Philip Galle.

  7. osier — willow twigs much used in basket-work

Her grandfather’s old creel turned out to be quite a fine handmade osier specimen, somewhat bleached by the sun but in very good shape overall.

  8. misoneism — hatred of novelty or change

“Do you really believe that the desire to preserve some ideas, ideals, and artifacts of the past is mere misoneism?”

  9. pomology — study and praxis of fruit-culture

Though one could make the technical case that one is merely a subset of the other, do not confuse viticulture with pomology.

  10. paludal — of or pertaining to marshes

The Nazis once planned to drain the Pripet Marshes in order to deny the Russian and Polish partisans a hideout among the vast paludal wetlands.

Friday Vocabulary

1. parergon — embellishment, thing subordinate to main subject

Burgess maintains that the final chapter of A Clockwork Orange was essential to the novel and should never have been removed from the American edition, but Kubrick and many other readers have found it an unconvincing parergon.

  2. adust — burnt up, scorched

But under the noonday sun our desert camp became unbearable even in the scanty shade as the temperature rose and rose until the very air was adust and seemed painful to breathe into our lungs.

  3. shend — revile, scold

By every voice in the mainstream media his actions were shent, yet he remained unashamed.

  4. effluvium — vapor or exhalation perceptible only to the sense of smell, esp. one that is noxious or disgusting

The community break room was bright and clean, yet opening the refrigerator released a repulsive effluvium reminiscent of both spoiled milk and dying flowers.

  5. larrup — flog, beat, thrash

If he comes ’round here again, I’ll larrup him until he cannot stand upright.

  6. iritis — inflammation of the iris

The cortisone he used for treating his chronic iritis had an expired several months past, but he swore that the medicament would still be “just fine”.

  7. costermonger — person who sells fruit and vegetables from a street cart; (fig.) hawker of any wares

Virtue is of so little regard in these costermongers‘ times that true valor is turned bear-herd.

Henry IV, Part 2, Act I, Scene 2

  8. ochlocracy — mob-rule

Fans of the movie Heavy Metal will recall the paean to ochlocracy by Black Sabbath (from the eponymous album) used in the story of the mute warrior maiden Taarna.

  9. equerry — officer in charge of the horses of a royal or an exalted noble; groom

We found the body of the equerry in the stall belonging to the lord’s prize charger; we could not find the massive black Percheron anywhere upon the grounds.

  10. fribble — to act aimlessly; to trifle, to behave frivolously; a trifler

He seemed to me to be the worst type of fribble: stupid enough to be convinced of his innate ability and insight, yet powerfully connected enough to cause real damage.

Random Music Mix: Almost Perfect

If I live to see next fall

Ain’t gonna raise no cabbage at all

  1. “Equal People” – D.R.I.
  2. “Good Rockin’ Tonight” – Roy Brown
  3. “Fingertips” – Emiliana Torrini
  4. “Dead Man’s Party” – Oingo Boingo
  5. “I Ain’t Never Been Satisfied” – Jim & Marilyn Kweskin
  6. “Holiday In Cambodia” – Dead Kennedys
  7. “A Taste Of Honey” – Tommy Spanos
  8. “In My Gondola” – Fred Waring’s Pennsylvanians
  9. [talk about happy pets] – Bob Dylan
  10. “Baba O’Riley” – The Who
  11. “Banjo Special” – Don Reno & Red Smiley

Heard yestermorn whilst driving home from work, iTunes on random play (no radio shows).

Monday Book Report: Caligula For President

The Truth Won’t Set You Free Department

I follow Ralph Waldo Emerson’s dictum to not read books less than a year old for two reasons, and the second is not laziness. Caligula For President proved (in both senses) the second reason, because reading this book now convulses and repulses in a way it could not have done if read when originally published, during the twilight years of the last Bush presidency. This unclassifiable book might then have been only an enchanting exercise in genius, a staggering indictment of the American Dream turned Nightmare under the brute fist of Cheney and company. The cloud of hope might have made my reaction a mere chuckle, no more. To read this book now, however … what can I say? We already have grown nostalgic for Bush fils, an eventuality that I would have believed impossible a few dozen moons ago. But I found myself going further, furtively wishing that the protagonist of Cintra Wilson’s magnum opus, the Roman emperor Caligula himself, could somehow become president, as she outlines in this funny, depressing, brilliant, rollicking, educational satire.

Do not say, “Personally, I am as worthless as a bolt, but if I stop being an isolated bolt and start gathering with my equally undistinguished and bolt like neighbors, we are, collectively, a big sack of bolts that can hit things harder.”

You are not a bolt. You are a wonderful special individual with talents and hopes and dreams of great fortune, fame and luxury. You are going to sing on television and become rich beyond your wildest dreams just by writing upbeat affirmations on Post-its and sticking them on your bathroom mirror.

Caligula explains just how easy it is to manipulate and control us dolts … er, bolts

Cintra Wilson begins her book with an excellent mission statement of the Caligula©®™∞ brand which doesn’t even use the word “excellence”. (How many major corporations can make that claim?) It is a tour de force of corporate business speak from the dawn of the era that replaced “writing” with “content”. Caligula hasn’t even started his introduction and he already has grabbed us by the short and curlies, because he too knows that the powerful can just do that. Of course, Caligula is a handsome devil with omnivorous appetites, but he deigns to talk to us boring nonentities to explain just how a godlike tyrant is the perfect candidate to occupy the U.S. White House. Thus the subtitle of Wilson’s book: Better American Living Through Tyranny.

As emperor, you can be paranoid, corrupt, sadistic, drunk and incompetent, as long as you have a lot of very rich friends, a ridiculously aggressive approach to spin control and a highly fortified and corruptible private army.

Caligula stands strong for freedom … or something

Reading this work a decade after Caligula channeled it through Cintra Wilson allows us to perceive the amazing psychic prophetic power revealed within its pages. Its prophecy is not like that famous novel about the gigantic steam ship Titan (although the subtitle of The Wreck of the Titan, or Futility, might be apropos here). Rather its prescience is like that found in John Irving’s novel A Prayer for Owen Meany, where the future is perfectly revealed, only the earlier recognition and interpretation is distorted by viewing it through the imperfect lens of the past. What was dimly limned in the mirror Ms. Wilson held up to our decrepit body politic is now clearly seen in the present, where the ashes left behind by our incinerated hopes and dreams serve only to clog further our Cloaca Maxima which already cannot get rid of the fatberg of our corrupt septic excellence.

Here, for example, we see the effect of the DOJ’s OLC opinion stating the president cannot be prosecuted (the opinion itself another gift of the Bush presidency) in Caligula’s description of the uses of the Unitary Executive Theory:

If you wanna be a princeps legibus solutus–a princeps not bound by the laws–it helps if everyone else around you with any kind of executive power gets really confused by some overt proclamation of the legality of what you’re doing and therefore does nothing but stand around haplessly with their thumbs up their eunuchs.

Caligula explains John Yoo’s Unitary Executive Theory and its effects

Or this example of our now accepted disregard for the post-born child:

Due to the dictates of your capitalist economy and the corrupt mechanisms now set in the stone tables of your national laws, you are already helping me kill small children on a daily basis.

More hyperbole become prophecy

Or even outdoing Nostradamus with this entirely topical vision of remaking military uniforms to hearken back to the glory days of World War II:

I plan to increase voluntary enlistment numbers in the U.S. military by bringing back the inarguable sadomasochistic flair of Nazi tailoring.

Caligula — like you — loves a man in a uniform

Driving home listening to the East Village Opera Company’s rendition of “Un Bel Di” I was struck by the one missing note in Cintra Wilson’s prophetic book. ‘Twas not the leering dominance of the InterWebs and AppSpaceBook that she failed to limn, nor the continued balkanization of ideology and interest. What her Caligula did not see as clearly as we can a decade after, is just how much self-loathing we Americans turn out to have, just how much we veritably hate, hate, hate the very idea and ideals of democracy itself. Though Caligula riffs on the failure of slave revolts and how the powerful always win again, he had no concept in this 2008 book of how we despise even the simplest premises of the government we learned of in grammar school (no matter how divorced those lessons were from the reality, a point that Caligula For President pounds into our thick though small skulls quite effectively).

Will Caligula detain me in prison indefinitely until I am finally given pellets of angel dust and led blindfolded into RFK Stadium to fight hyenas wearing nothing but a loincloth made of ham?

You don’t need to worry about that right now.

Concentrate on this: My techniques, while criminally insane, cut through a massive amount of bureaucratic red tape.

Caligula promises to bring Reality TV into the 1st Century

Indeed, I had only two complaints — both minor — about this work. First, I wish that Caligula — sorry, I mean Cintra Wilson — had spent just a little time talking about the dictator Sulla, and I wish that Ms. Wilson (or her publishers) had used the Oxford comma.

I told you they were minor complaints.

I found this book among my novels, pulled it down and put it on the “to read and decide whether to keep” pile, and eventually started to read it. It is not a novel — there’s far too much actual history in it, both of the Roman Empire and of the Bush père presidency. But it isn’t history either, since the Caligula we meet here is based on the most scurrilous attacks by the foremost character assassins among the ancients, if this golden boy emperor might be heard on Howard Stern. We might call it political science, though attacks against Bush 41 for presidential overreach have grown dated and stale like a country medley on the Lawrence Welk Show. Thus when Ms. Wilson — I mean Caligula — points out the nefarious incestuous relationships between Cheney and the moguls who manipulated California’s energy market while creating the energy policy that was a blueprint for invading Iraq, and concludes by reminding us all that Cheney and Karl Rove distracted everyone from the news about this when it broke by blaming Gray Davis, who was recalled and replaced with The Terminator, we only think it quaint. Quaint and sad, particularly Caligula’s last words on the subject:

Nobody thinks about this major crime committed against the people of California anymore, because so many other crimes have been committed since then that nobody really remembers that one anymore.

Caligula said this eleven years ago. SAD! No, seriously, it’s quite sad.

So though it makes me sad, I will be keeping this book. I will keep it in the “Other” section of my library, alongside such luminous works as The Ship of Fools by Brant, Le Pétomane, and The Night Climbers of Cambridge. Also on those shelves is the spiritual ancestor (assuming there is any spirit left in this old world) of this book, the classic Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. An appropriate neighbor, since Caligula For President made me understand for the first time why Hunter S. pulled a Seneca the Younger and bought his own farm.

Realpolitik is not for the twee

True dat

I wish I could say this book lifts the spirit as it destroys illusions through the magic power of its fantastic style, just as the works of that other Thompson, Jim, had their lack of morals somewhat obviated by the damn fine writing. But I cannot. Truth be told, in neither case can the truly wonderful style and powerful writing belie the underlying depression, despair, and eternal pit revealed in the writer’s words. And our current universe has fallen into an even deeper black hole than the center of Jim Thompson’s dark vision. Asking “Is there any hope?” only makes sense in a world where words and ideas have meaning, and to ask “Is there even any meaning?” is to recognize that the game is fixed, is over, and we lost every bet that was made for us before we were even born.

When your government stops bothering to lie to you, it seems like they just don’t care. It’s like letting the White House lawn turn brown and walking out to press conferences with a bottle of Seagram’s gin ‘n’ juice, wearing a polar fleece housecoat streaked with Egg Beaters and a shower cap and screaming unintelligible obscenities into the microphone. It gives You People the impression that your dictator isn’t even trying.

But Caligula cares, he really does. He just doesn’t care about You People.

Our only hope at this dark juncture may be the collapse of everything, though if that’s hope then we’re in deep trouble. What can be done? Nothing can be done. Not the nothing of nihilists secretly hoping they look cool, but true nothing. Caligula is promising Hopelessness, and “the good news is, you’re at least halfway there.” And this is why I highly recommend this book.

Oh, oh, look out … a march. On the streets! With big banners! Saying, STOP, BAD GOVERNMENT! STOP DOING THAT BAD, BAD THING!

Hold me, Mother! We must, as a governing body, stop doing immoral things immediately, or bisexual college girls with nose rings might wave colorful signs at us!

Caligula is simply terrified of your futile demonstrations

I very rarely recommend books — personal taste being so, well, personal and everything, and besides I have to admit that what I have isn’t exactly taste. But I am recommending this one strongly in spite of the fact that a) 97% of you will not like it. (It’s got a parental advisory sticker cowering in the corner of the room, sobbing quietly to itself.) And b) 97% of the remaining 3% will merely find that it confirms and reinforces your already extant despair. But! It is my hope — “Not dead, yet!” — that the remaining 0.09% may discover some path out of our Slough of Despond which does not lead directly to Hell, and I pray you please tell me where and whither that path lies.


I will simply try to ignore the fact that I do not have anywhere near enough friends — neither online nor in real life — to make 0.09% of that number anything other than a very close approximation of Zero.

Friday Vocabulary

1. embonpoint — healthy plumpness; fleshy part of the body, esp. of the bosom

Though two decades had passed, she seemed just the same — well, a slight tendency to embonpoint perhaps, which was only heightened by the stately curves of her gown.

  2. catarrh — secretions from the nose and eyes which accompany allergies or a cold

He always had had a rheumy constitution, and as rare as a sunny week in San Francisco was a week which found him unhampered by allergies, coughs, and catarrh.

  3. melismatic — of song or melody, as opposed to recitative music

From a thousand karaoke bars and ten thousand videos sprang more and more devotees of the melismatic arts, though most had stronger faith than talent.

  4. gandy dancer — member of a railroad work gang tasked with laying or maintaining track

Though men of every race worked as gandy dancers in the heyday of American rail, all were eventually replaced by machines.

  5. oxter — (Scot. and N. Eng.) armpit

A trained pikeman kens well the weak points of an armoured knight, and will aim for the groin, oxter, and throat if he can get at them.

  6. parenteral — administered systemically otherwise than through alimentary canal

The patient was given parenteral fluids to supplement the small amount of clear fluids she was able to ingest by mouth.

  7. petard — small explosive device formerly used in warfare for breaching gates, doors, or walls

It matters not that they dropped the portcullis before we struck down the defenders at the gate, as our miners will make short work of it with but a single petard.

  8. otiose — superfluous, useless; nugatory

One might well believe that our political news is merely an otiose dumb show designed rather to distract than to edify.

  9. kettle — (Brit.) to confine to a small area as means of crowd control

As soon as the clock struck five, the police quickly kettled the demonstrators, leaving them only one exit route over an overpass heavily surveilled by the brute squad.

  10. disbound — (of a book) having the binding removed or loose

It is extremely rare to find a disbound Dover edition, but this copy of Mumford’s The Brown Decades had only a strip of cardboard along the spine remaining to protect the still tight signatures.

Friday Vocabulary

1. rebarbative — repellent, annoying, unattractive

I was confronted at the front desk by a rebarbative adolescent, if I can be excused the tautology, who claimed the right to review my credentials before passing me on to the vice principal.

  2. compurgator — witness to an accused person’s innocence or truthfulness

From the Old English system of compurgators arose some elements of our modern jury system.

  3. mangonel — old war engine for hurling large stones

Our ponderous catapults could not maintain the quick rate of fire that the mangonels of the enemy used to their great advantage.

  4. apotelesm — the casting of a horoscope

Before his appointment as privy secretary he was required to submit his date of birth so that the court astrologer could provide the results of his apotelesm to the duke.

  5. gallows tree — metal support to hold pot over kitchen fire

The big bad wolf found himself impaled upon the gallows tree when he entered the third little pig’s house through the brick chimney, which saved him from falling into the boiling water, but which burned his nether regions as it tore his groin.

  6. merryandrew — buffoon, clown; assistant to a mountebank

Everybody plays the merryandrew sometimes, as the old song says.

  7. quacksalver — imposter to the medical art

Surprisingly, the products of this quacksalver seemed to bring temporary relief to many sufferers, although this might have been due to the high alcohol content.

  8. raree show — peep show; spectacle

The clickworthy ‘news’ apps have become the modern raree show, encouraging thousands to stare listlessly into their phones just as passerby in past times were lured into staring into the traveling barker’s box in search of the demonstrations of minuscule (and perhaps imaginary) circus fleas.

  9. algesia — sensitivity to pain

Though one might think that we suffer due to our algesia, people who are born without this sensitivity usually die in childhood due to their inability to correctly identify and react to physical hazards.

  10. prognathous — having protruding jaws

His profile seemed so prognathous that I doubted my spare motorcycle helmet would fit him.